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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than history. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion

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Introduction
In the modern world, many individuals believe history is the most valuable subject in school,
while
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 others consider
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 as the most important subjects. In my personal opinion, all educational disciplines are equally important.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
undoubtedly
Punctuation problem
undoubtedly,
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 history remains a very important lesson in any school and even in ancient times.
Moreover
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, the knowledge of the past shapes the national and cultural identity of students. To serve as a clear example, in the capital of Uzbekistan, Tashkent, the centre of Islamic Civilisation was constructed.
This
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 monumental museum collected almost all the cultural heritage from the past civilisations of Central Asia.
Consequently
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, the thousands of students, tourists and local residents had visited the new museum.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
science
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 and
technology
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 , which
is
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are
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 probably the key drivers of the future, the
science
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 brought the development of medicine.
Along with
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 the
technology
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, we have reached space. To serve as a clear example, in the 18th century in Europe, many women were dying
while
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 giving
a
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apply
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birth, one Austrian doctor noticed that many doctors were not washing their hands. He created a substance that was similar
with
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to
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 modern antibacterial soaps
,
Add a semicolon
;
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thereafter
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the
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, the
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 rates of death among women decreased significantly.
Conclusion
Finally
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, the great number of subjects at school are interconnected
,
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;
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moreover
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, every lesson is important and relatable. In my point of view,
according to
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this
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 essay, to be able to create the future in
technology
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 or
science
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, we should know the past. History has a tendency to repeat itself over time.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Make your own view clearer from the start: say that history, science, and technology are all needed, but explain which should have more time at school, if any.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For history, explain how it can help people avoid past mistakes. For science and technology, explain how they help with work, health, and daily life.
task response
Your examples are useful, but link them more directly to the main point. The museum example shows that history is valued, but it does not fully show why history should be a key school subject.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: opening, history, science and technology, and ending. Keep one main idea in each body part and add a short closing sentence to each part.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Moreover” and “Consequently” should show a clear next step. In the first body part, the link from the museum to students visiting it needs more explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or joined in an unclear way. For example, split the science sentence into two or three short sentences. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
In the ending, do not write “according to this essay.” State your final idea in a direct way: history helps us learn from the past, while science and technology help us build the future.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by presenting the value of history and the value of science and technology.
task response
You give real examples from Central Asia and from medicine, which makes the essay more interesting and less general.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “Finally” helps the reader see the main parts of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening gives the topic and shows your main view, and your ending returns to the link between the past and the future.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
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