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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some business find that their new employees lack in basic interpersonal skills such as the lack of ability to work with colleagues as a team. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions? Also provide relevant examples from your experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Collaboration
skill
Use synonyms
 is playing crucial role in every individual’s career life. Still
number
Rephrase
, a number
 of companies
complaint
Replace the word
complain
 about the lack of
this
Linking Words
 particular talent in the freshers. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I elaborate
causes
Change preposition
on the causes
show examples
 and possible solutions of
this
Linking Words
 social concern.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most of the individuals are only
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on academic achievements in their school life
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 secure
highly
Add an article
a highly
show examples
 paid occupation.
Hence
Linking Words
, they were unable to participate
conventional
Change preposition
in conventional
show examples
sport
Rephrase
sports,
 which
are improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
teamwork
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 football, running, crickets and
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
. If they actively participate
these
Change preposition
in these
show examples
 sports as a
child
Punctuation problem
child,
show examples
 they would be able to improve collaboration
Use synonyms
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
 and can
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
achieve the goal as a team. Not only that,
competition
Correct word choice
but competition
show examples
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peers
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 one of the major reason of lack of
this
Linking Words
 particular
skill
Use synonyms
. Eventually, they try to achieve
goal
Add an article
the goal
show examples
 individually to impress the management. So, it is shading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
some of
valuable
Add an article
the valuable
show examples
 interpersonal skills.
Body paragraph 2
Solution for
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 issues, employers can provide
well planned
Correct your spelling
well-planned
 training sessions to freshers to
do with
Verb problem
include
show examples
 practical activities.
This
Linking Words
 would be
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.
In
Change preposition
Additionally
show examples
additionally
Linking Words
, more
teamwork
Use synonyms
 activities with guidance and
monitor
Replace the word
monitoring
in
Linking Words
particular
Add an article
a particular
show examples
 time period
also
Linking Words
 help to
prevent less
Verb problem
improve
show examples
teamwork
Use synonyms
 ability.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, providing opportunities to work with mature staff would get significant impact on
this
Linking Words
 matter.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
number
Add an article
a number
show examples
 of employees face
lack
Add an article
a lack
show examples
 of
teamwork
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in their childhood they
had
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not actively participate
the
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sports
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they seek self-attention from the management. For
solution
Add an article
the solution
show examples
 it employers have to provide proper training for new members of the staff and give chance to work with senior staff members under their supervision

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task response
Answer all parts of the question. You give causes and ways to help, but you do not give an example from your own life or work. Add one short, clear example, such as a group task at school or a job where a new worker had trouble working with others.
task response
Make each cause clearer. Explain how too much focus on school marks can stop young people from learning to work in a group. Then explain how trying to look better than other workers can make people work alone.
task response
Develop the solutions with more detail. Say what happens in the training, how often it takes place, and why working with older staff helps new workers learn to share work and talk well.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion. Your essay has this basic shape, but some ideas need to be placed in clearer groups.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with a simple main idea. For example: “There are two main causes of this problem.” Then explain one cause at a time before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “For example” should introduce a real example, not only a list. Also use “First”, “Second”, “As a result”, and “Therefore” to show the link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Write shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily. Check word forms, such as “companies complain”, “people focus”, and “solutions to this issue”.
task response
You identify two useful causes: strong focus on school success and competition between workers.
task response
You give practical ways to help, including training, group work, and support from older staff.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see your main plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interpersonal skills
  • teamwork
  • collaborative skills
  • work-ready capabilities
  • practical skills
  • digital communication
  • peer interaction
  • mentoring
  • onboarding process
  • integration
  • isolation
  • curriculum development
  • internships
  • real-world experience
  • individual performance
  • group projects
  • company culture
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