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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than history. Discuss both these view and give your

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
No one
deny
Correct subject-verb agreement
denies
show examples
 the importance of any subject in today's world. History helps students understand why society works the way it does today. It
assist
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assists
show examples
 the
indivduals
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individuals
 to
relaized
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realise
 how and why the rules and
princepiles
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principles are
 set up and depend on what. When
student
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students
show examples
 learn about thier county past,
student
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students
show examples
 can see how national habits or
celeberitions
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celebrations
 begin. As
saudi
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Saudi,
 it help my to be aware
about
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of
show examples
 my culture and
religoin
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religion
.
For example
Linking Words
, studying the
united of Saudi Arabia
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United Kingdom
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 can help students understand why
should
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they should
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celeberating
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celebrate
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 the Saudi National Day.
Body paragraph 1
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
modren
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modern
 subjects like
Science
Use synonyms
 and Technology
devlope
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develop
 searching and critical thinking skills. By exploring the newest
techonlogies
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technologies
 and
look
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 up how they
useful
Verb problem
are useful
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 to our
socitey
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society
. Many jobs
reqiure indivaduals
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require individuals to
 collect
requirmeants
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requirements
,
uderstand
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understand
 and
analyze
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analyse
show examples
 the needs and solve technical problems. Digital tools
such
Linking Words
 as Excel help to
gathring
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gather
 the data, preprosicing,
analyze
Wrong verb form
analysing
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,
create
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creating
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 dashboards and
take desicion
Rephrase
taking decisions
.
Nowdays
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Nowadays
 AI
help
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helps
show examples
 employees to
accelrate
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accelerate
 and enhance the work in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time. Another reason why
science
Use synonyms
 and technology are important is that they help students
can
Verb problem
apply
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apply what they learn in their daily lives. Earlier
when
Punctuation problem
, when
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 corona virus start spread, people
learn
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learned
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 how the virus
move
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moves
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,
they
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and they
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understand
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understood
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 why washing their hands and wearing
mask
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a mask
show examples
 helps to avoid the sickness.
Conclusion
In my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
science
Use synonyms
 and technology are more important today because
it
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they
show examples
 help
student
Check wording
students
show examples
 in
diffrent
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different
 demands. Tech is the foundation
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 any
science
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 can use
make ai
Rephrase
an AI
 search for
historical
Add an article
a historical
show examples
 story or an AI agents that assist me
to deliver
Rephrase
in delivering
 a project to the client.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. This is good. Make your main view clear in the first part and repeat it in a short final paragraph.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For history, show how knowing the past can help people make better choices now. For science and technology, show why these skills are needed at work and in daily life.
task response
Some examples are useful, such as Saudi National Day and the virus. Make each example more direct and correct. For example, say that learning about the founding of Saudi Arabia helps students understand National Day.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: history, science and technology, then your view. Keep this plan, but add a short introduction before the first body paragraph and a clear conclusion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give an explanation and one example. This will help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more carefully, such as “On the one hand”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not put too many different ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same subject in a sentence. For example, instead of moving from students to workers to AI in one paragraph without a clear link, explain how each point connects to the main idea.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the value of history, the value of science and technology, and your own opinion.
task response
Your examples are linked to real life, especially culture, work tools, AI, and health.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph about history and the paragraph about science and technology are clearly separated.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links between ideas, including “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In my opinion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
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