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Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that the best way to mptivate employees is to pay themm more money ,while others believe that other factors are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion/

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Introduction
It is argued whether the best motivation for workers is
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 or other things
can be
Wrong verb form
are
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 more essential. In my opinion, there are many options
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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which can improve
people
Use synonyms
's interest in
work
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
higher
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a higher
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salary
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 is a good decision, because
e,ployees
Correct your spelling
employees
 will understand that
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company
Add an article
the company
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have
Rephrase
has an
 interest in them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they will try to show that they deserve the
salary
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 they are
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
.
Other
Correct determiner usage
Another
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 benefit of paying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 more is the fact that
employee
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employees
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 should not be thinking anout the second job to have money for living. It is beneficial for
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company
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the company
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, because the employee will focus on
work
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many ways, how to motivate workers.
For example
Linking Words
, providing them with lunches. If the
persons
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people
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 do not think about where they can eat, they will concentrate on
work
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
company
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 can pay for
people
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's education, which they need to
impove
Correct your spelling
improve
 their
work
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 skills. In my opinion, it is a good way,because it would be beneficial both for
worker
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the worker
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 and for the
company
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. The worker
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 more educated
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it allows him to
work
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easier
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more easily
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 and
more productive
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productively
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Use synonyms
company
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the company
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 get
such
Linking Words
 a good person
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are many benefits of both paying a bigger
salary
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 and other factors, but I strongly reaffirm that lunches and education are more essential for
people
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.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. This is good. However, make your main view clearer in the first paragraph: say that money is useful, but other things are more important.
task response
Give more detail for each main idea. For example, explain how free lunch can save time, help staff rest, and make them feel cared for. Explain how study help can lead to better work and more chance to move up.
task response
Use one clear, real-life example for each side. For instance, a worker with a higher pay may not need a second job. A worker whose firm pays for a course may learn new skills and stay with the firm.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the link from one idea to the next smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a direct main sentence. For example: “Higher pay can make workers work harder.” Then explain this idea before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or not fully correct. Write shorter sentences. For example, write: “The worker becomes more skilled. As a result, the firm gets better work.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” work well. Add simple links such as “For this reason”, “Also”, and “As a result” to show how ideas are joined.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss higher pay, other ways to help workers, and state your own view.
task response
Your ideas are relevant. Higher pay, free lunch, and help with study are all suitable ways to talk about worker motivation.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “To sum up” helps the reader see the main parts of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph stays mostly on one main side of the discussion, which makes your writing easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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