IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Computers are now the basis of modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However dependence of computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Development in technology
carry
Correct subject-verb agreement
carries
show examples
 out
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 effort
one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 of them the use of
computer
Use synonyms
 at school and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects in it by using a specific program for that
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
depends
Correct pronoun usage
it depends
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 on only
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
the computer
show examples
 in
teching
Correct your spelling
teaching, which
 may result
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many issues
so that
Punctuation problem
. Therefore,
show examples
 the
limitation
Check wording
limitations
show examples
 of use it better
on dozen
Rephrase
in dozens
 of
aspect
Check wording
aspects
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
First
Add a comma
First,
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 the
cmputer
Correct your spelling
computer
 illustrates many
supject
Correct your spelling
subjects
 and
give the
Rephrase
gives
 access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it from any where any time which
make
Verb problem
exposes
show examples
 the student exposed a lot of
articals
Correct your spelling
articles
 or
study
Rephrase
studies,
 and that
leads to get the information in many ways result on that
Correct word order
results in
show examples
 the students
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 the information on what they want.
Althoght
Correct your spelling
Although
 during the
pandimic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
 of COVID
few
Add an article
a few
show examples
 years
ago
Punctuation problem
ago,
show examples
the
Rephrase
computers
computer
Use synonyms
 and online teaching
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 a very important role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our life make the learning easy at home
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 exams
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the assiment the doing it at home.
Body paragraph 2
The excessive
uses
Check wording
use
show examples
 of
compurter
Check wording
computers
show examples
 may
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to health issues
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example
eyes
Rephrase
, eye
 damage resulting from
setting
Use the right word
spending
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 many hours studying on
screen
Add an article
a screen
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
show examples
 the
lake
Use the right word
lack
show examples
 of mobility
of student
Rephrase
in students
due to
Linking Words
 sitting all the time on
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
the computer
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may
create the
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 obesity
that cuase of
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 less activity
doing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
during the day. The cost of
get
Rephrase
getting a
 new
computer
Use synonyms
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 a good
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 support from
goverment
Correct your spelling
the government
 to cover all the
need
Check wording
needs
show examples
 of that to family.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 all
the state
Fix the agreement mistake
states
show examples
 should make
step
Add an article
a step
show examples
forword
Correct your spelling
forward
 to the future and develop all the citizen members and learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how
the
Verb problem
to get the
show examples
 got the informatiom from any device
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 limitation the time of uses should consider to limit the problem may result from that.

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task response
You discuss both good and bad sides, and you give your view. Make your view more clear in the first part: say that computers should be used, but not for all teaching.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For example, explain how a computer program can help a child learn at their own speed, and why a teacher is still needed.
task response
Your COVID example is useful and on the topic. Add one more clear example, such as a science class using a video or a school where some children cannot buy a computer.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: good points, bad points, then your final view. Use clearer first lines for each part, such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body part has access to study, more information, and COVID learning. Link these ideas more slowly with short, clear sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more exact way. For example: “As a result,” for a result; “However,” for an opposite idea; and “For example,” before an example.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph state your own answer in a direct way. Say who should limit screen time, such as schools, teachers, or parents.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by showing both sides and giving your own view.
task response
The example of online learning during COVID is real, clear, and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links between ideas, such as “First,” “Also,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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