IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

While recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities, rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

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Good employees are very important for any
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
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. They represent the company and share
opinion
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opinions
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 about the
company
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company's
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 outlook
to
Change preposition
with
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 the outside world. It is very important to recruit
people
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 with a point of view for frictionless running for any company. The employee needs to find some balance between personal
qualities
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, qualification and knowledge. I agree
Correct word choice
that
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both of these components are important. At the outset, there are numerous reasons why both of these components are important, but the most conspicuous one lies in the fact that
,
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apply
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 nobody want share
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job
Correct article usage
a job
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 with
person
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a person
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which
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who
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 is grumpy, rude, play unfair despite,
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despite the fact
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that
employee
Correct article usage
the employee
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a
hight
Correct your spelling
high
education
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,
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apply
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 and big
job
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experience
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. When
people
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 have that kind of person in
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a
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team,
atmosphere
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the atmosphere
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 in
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job
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a job
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 is
taff
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tough
.
New
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A new
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 study says
,
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apply
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this
Linking Words
 is the master reason why
people
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now
Rephrase
apply
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often change
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jobs
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job
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.
Comunnication
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Communication
skills
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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also
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 important when
employee
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employees
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 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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contact with customers. Nobody want make shopping in shops, or enjoy
to the
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apply
show examples
dinner in
restaurant
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a restaurant
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, where
have a
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people with lacking social skills have a job
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job
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people
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 with lacking social
skills
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.
On the other hand
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, there are many occupations that do require social
skills
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,
experience
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 and
education
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.
For example
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, for
pilot
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a pilot
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, it is necessary to have
experience
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,
education
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 and
also
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 have personal
qualities
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. Personal
qualities
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 are important when they have
a
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apply
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contact with passengers and other team members, but in case of some emergency situation, personal
qualities
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isn't
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aren't
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enought
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enough
. That time,
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 important
is
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thing is
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education
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 about how the
airplaine
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aeroplane
 works, what
is the emergency procedure
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the emergency procedure is,
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 and extensive pilot
experience
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. In summary, both components are important
on
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for
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 different
the
Correct article usage
apply
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types of jobs. For specialists' jobs
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experience
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, experience
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 and
education
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 play a
first plan
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primary
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 role
,
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;
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however
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, for occupations related to personal contact, social
skills
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a crucial element.

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Task response
Score: 6. You answer the main question and give a clear view: both personal qualities and work skill matter. Your two main body ideas are on topic, and the pilot example is useful. However, your view is not fully clear at the start because you first say the employer should seek people with a point of view, then say both parts matter. Say early that you partly agree, and explain when each part matters. The first body point needs a clearer link to the question. The line about a new study is not named or shown, so it is a weak example. Use a clear real-life example instead, such as a shop worker who is kind and calm with buyers. Also, explain more clearly why skill and past work are needed in jobs such as a pilot. You should write about 260 words; this essay is about 240 words, so add a little more detail.
Task response
Positive point: You do not write only about personal qualities. You compare them with skill and past work, which fits the question. To improve, state your answer in one simple sentence: “I partly agree because personal qualities matter in team and public jobs, but skill and experience are vital in jobs that need high safety.”
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The essay has an opening, two main parts, and a final summary. The order is easy to follow: first you discuss personal qualities, then you discuss skill and experience. Words such as “At the outset,” “On the other hand,” and “In summary” help the reader. However, some links are not natural, and several ideas are put into very long or unclear sentences. For example, the first body part should begin with one clear topic sentence, and each next sentence should explain or show that idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Use shorter sentences and clear links such as “First,” “For example,” “However,” “Therefore,” and “In conclusion.” Avoid repeating “both of these components.” Say “these two factors” or name the factors. The final paragraph repeats the main idea but does not clearly state your own level of agreement. A clearer ending would be: “In conclusion, I partly agree. Personal qualities are key in jobs with much contact with people, while qualifications and experience are more important in technical and high-risk work.”
Grammar and language
Your meaning is often clear, but grammar and word choice errors sometimes make it hard to read. Common fixes are: “companies” not “company” after “any”; “share their opinions” not “share opinion”; “no one wants to work with a person”; “a high level of education”; “the atmosphere at work is tough”; “communication skills are”; “a pilot”; “an emergency”; “are not enough”; “the airplane”; and “in the first place.” Also check spaces and spelling: “communication,” “tough,” and “enough.”
Task response
You give a balanced answer and discuss both personal qualities and qualifications and experience.
Task response
The pilot example is relevant because it shows why training and past work can matter in a high-risk job.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
The main contrast between people skills and job skill is easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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