IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities, rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and include relevant example.

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Recently, the process of recruiting
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 followed to select the best candidate to
work
Use synonyms
 in an
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
. It
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on
employer
Correct article usage
the employer
show examples
 which important characteristics they
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 in an employee. No doubt,
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
show examples
 of
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 should
also
Linking Words
 be focused, but educational background and expertise
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 necessary to
work
Use synonyms
 efficiently
in
Linking Words
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 industry. In my opinion, both components have equal importance. Every enterprise
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 different priorities. If a
company
Use synonyms
 is very famous
due to
Linking Words
his
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 good quality of
work
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 they will prefer
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
 employee to join their
company
Use synonyms
. Those who have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 potential to show outstanding performance
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 will get the chance to be a part of that
company
Use synonyms
. A well-known enterprise have proper system to select
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 employees for them.
For example
Linking Words
, KM trading have HR department, they
receives
Correct subject-verb agreement
receive
show examples
 resumes of the candidates through email, website or LinkedIn
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they process full information.
CV
Correct article usage
A CV
show examples
 of a person give the idea about
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 profession, certifications and skills. The methodology to select
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
show examples
 employee who is free from any harmful act, well-mannered and hardworking
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 the opportunity to
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if employers only select peoples those who do not have enough knowledge of professional
work
Use synonyms
, they cannot be able to perform any task
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of information and expertise.
For instance
Linking Words
, if there is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of experience
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
seen in a candidate
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 all other requirements are fulfilled,
then
Linking Words
 a
company
Use synonyms
 arrange training facilities for the employees.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is mandatory for
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 to hire those
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who
a
Verb problem
are
show examples
 eligible to
work
Use synonyms
 in a professional environment. An enterprise should concern both areas to
get the
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 higher
achievement
Check wording
achievements
show examples
 and to run their business smoothly.

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Task response
Score: 5. You give a clear opinion that both qualities have equal value, and you discuss both sides. However, the ideas are not fully clear or well developed. The first body paragraph does not clearly explain why personal qualities matter, and the example about KM Trading is general. The training example also does not clearly support your main view. Explain each main point more directly and add a specific example, such as a nurse needing both good training and a caring nature.
Task response
Answer the question more directly. Say why personal qualities are important, why qualifications and experience are important, and why you think they have equal value. Keep the same opinion from the introduction to the conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Your essay has an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the main order is clear. Some ideas are hard to follow because sentences are not linked well. The first body paragraph moves from a famous company to active workers without a clear link. Make each paragraph focus on one main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words such as 'First', 'However', 'For example', 'Also', and 'Therefore'. Avoid repeating the same idea about selecting the best employee. Start each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence and explain it with one reason and one example.
Language note
There are many grammar errors that affect clarity. For example: 'It depends on the employer', 'Every enterprise has', 'its good quality', 'A well-known enterprise has', 'people who', and 'who are eligible'. Check subject and verb agreement, articles, plural forms, and sentence structure.
Task response
You clearly state your opinion: both personal qualities and professional ability are important.
Task response
You include examples about resumes, skills, good behaviour, and training.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, including 'For example', 'Furthermore', and 'To sum up'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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