Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own discuss both opinions and give your opinion ?

It is widely believed that
children
should be supported to participate in
group
activities
in their leisure .
However
, others advocate that
children
should depend on themselves to take advantages of their free
time
.In my opinion, if
children
are engaged in
group
activities
, they will obtain more benefits. The exploitation of free
time
is crucial for
children
.
However
Add a comma
,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However. Consider adding a comma.

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we should not leave
children
to occupy themselves on their own for many reasons.
Firstly
, some
children
will not be able to spend their
time
in a proper way because they do not possess the imagination and creation.
Secondly
,
this
approach may launch a child on a path of antisocial
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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because he will adapt to do
activities
by himself.
Finally
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,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Finally. Consider adding a comma.

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most of
c
Add an article
the

The phrase most of children may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

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hildren will choose to spend their free
time
using
the
Remove the article
apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

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contemporary technology which in turn will not bring experience or knowledge to their life. In my
prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective

The word prospective doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, involving
children
in
group
activities
is fundamental and useful because
this
will integrate
children
with society.
Consequently
,
children
will gain tremendous experiences
For example
, if
children
do a team sport, they will learn the value of cooperation.
In addition
Add a comma
,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In addition. Consider adding a comma.

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being with
group
drives
children
to depend on themselves which in turn learn them autonomy. In conclusion, when
children
get involved in
group
activities
, their character will be developed.
Hence
, we should give
children
an opportunity to interact with society because
this
will produce a great influence on them and on their future.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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