IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The graphs show percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs show percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #show #percentage #phone #owners #features #summarise #information #comparisons
The table illustrates the proportion of usage of different features of the mobile phone
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 seven categories for three specific
years
; 2006, 2008 and 2010. About all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
 the phone for making calls. The
second
 highest ratio was of sending and receiving messages that
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in around
70s
Change the article
the 70s
show examples
 and rose by
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 percentages over the
years
. around 70% of the population used it to capture pictures and the percentages increased in the subsequent
years
 by just a few
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. the phone was
also
 used to browse the internet; data for 2006 was not found, but it was 41% in the year 2008 which
also
 doubled to 73% in 2010. 12% of the individuals used it to play music in 2006 and
this
 ratio remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in the following
years
.
Submitted by psychologist93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: