IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #fulltime #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 bar chart represents the total number of
trips
Use synonyms
 that children aged 5 - 12 made to and from
school
Use synonyms
 in 1990 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010. As can be seen from the chart, over time the predominant method of commuting to
school
Use synonyms
 has changed from walking to being driven in a
car
Use synonyms
. In 1990, over 12
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
trips
Use synonyms
 made to and from
school
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 done on foot, followed by
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bus
Add an article
the bus
show examples
, cycling, a combination of walking and
bus
Use synonyms
, and
finally
Linking Words
 travelling by
car
Use synonyms
 as the least popular method of commuting. There
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 only over 4
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
trips
Use synonyms
 by
car
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 period.
However
Linking Words
, in 2010,
by contrast
Linking Words
, around 11
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
car
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
 were made to and from
school
Use synonyms
, rendering
this
Linking Words
 method of travelling the most popular, followed by walking,
bus
Use synonyms
, a combination of walking and
bus
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, and
then
Linking Words
 cycling.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be concluded that there will be more
trips
Use synonyms
 made by
car
Use synonyms
 in the future as the use of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 is increasing.
Submitted by evanmbt on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words trips, school, car, bus with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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