IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others suggest it will cause stress in the home. Discuss both side and your opinion.

#people #home #workplace #workers #families #stress #side
It is true that emerging technology has made it feasible to work from
home
 without going to
office
Suggestion
the office
an office
. Many people consider, it is beneficial for employees and their family members in terms of saving
time
 and money.
However
, others have conflicting views that it has become a reason of tension. Both the views need to be discussed. Work from
home
 benefits to
masses
Suggestion
the masses
, who want to spend their quality
time
 with family, which is only possible because of technological advancement.
Internet
Suggestion
The internet
 has made
world
Suggestion
the world
 as a global village, sitting at
home
,
Accept space
,
workers can connect with their co-workers.
This
 type of work culture saves
time
 of
traveling
the act of going from one place to another
travelling
 to and from the workplace.
As a result
, it will lower the costs of
transportation
Suggestion
Transportation
.
For example
, If one partner do job at
residential location
Suggestion
the residential location
a residential location
residential locations
then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 other members do not need to buy a
second
 car.
Moreover
, when they get
time
 in between working hours
,
Accept space
,
they can involve in activities like watching TV, doing exercise, and reading books, which makes them ecstatic. On the negative side,
home
 is not a suitable environment to concentrate on assigned projects.The organization has less control over the performance of its employees and they become lethargic.It has
devastating impact
Suggestion
a devastating impact
 on their development and growth.They are isolated from
company environment
Suggestion
the company environment
 due to which they fail to build good relationships with seniors, which are essential for promotion.
Thus it
Accept comma addition
Thus, it
 results in strain on job holder and members of the family. According to my
preception
the representation of what is perceived; basic component in the formation of a concept
perception
,
Accept space
,
telecommuting plays a vital role in
women's life
Suggestion
women's lives
, who want to indulge in official work as well as household tasks.
This
 helps in overall increase in income of a family and important for social wellbeing. In conclusion, even though, remote working provides a lot of advantages
such
 as economic benefits and support for women workers.To maintain supervision and stress
,
Accept space
,
company
Suggestion
companies
the company
 should improve its management system to overcome the drawbacks.
Submitted by naresh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: