IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some British families decide not to buy televisions because they influence the development of the creativity of children. What do you think?

#british #families #televisions #influence #development #creativity #children
It is sometimes argued that
television
 may exert an influence on the creativity development of children. From the perspective of brain development, I do believe that watching
television
 will not have any negative impacts on school-age children because of
reasons
Suggestion
the reasons
 presented below.
First
,
television
 can provide a great source of knowledge for children through a wide range of educational
television
 programs. A typical example of
this
 is that children can develop a deeper insight into species and their natural habitats from watching
television
 documentaries on wildlife.
Second
, the integration of
television
 into education can create a continuous learning environment for schoolchildren.
For instance
, children can watch or even take part in
general knowledge competition
Suggestion
a general knowledge competition
 on
television
 as a way to learn through play. Admittedly,
this
 would not only help children consolidate their understanding of what they have learnt in the
classroom but
Accept comma addition
classroom, but
also
 encourage critical thinking and problem solving as they are challenged to work through questions on their own.
Finally
, it is recognized that leisure time is just as beneficial as study time from a mental health point of view. Clearly, a fair amount of time for watching
television movies
Accept comma addition
television, movies
 after a nerve-racking school day can help children to ease their busy mind and feel the stress melt away,
thus
 improving their creativity and concentration, which are linked in part to their academic performance in the
next
 day. In conclusion, it is my belief that
television
 has an important role to play in developing children’s creativity and should
exists
Suggestion
exist
 in every family to serve as a means of education.
Submitted by 0915108432 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: