IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Improvements in health,education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations.However,the governments of nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

#improvements #health #education #trade #development #nations #governments #responsibility #areas
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today's world has been
devided
separated into parts or pieces
divided
 into developing and industrialised countries which the main difference between them is the amount of money that
government
Suggestion
governments
the government
 apply in important sectors
such
Linking Words
 as
education
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
health
Use synonyms
 and commerce. Most of the poorer nations are buried
in
Suggestion
at
depts
the extent downward or backward or inward
depths
debts
debates
 as a
resultof
Suggestion
result of
 their unbalanced
finances which
Accept comma addition
finances, which
 are
reflect
Suggestion
reflected
 in a failed
health
Use synonyms
carean
Suggestion
care an
 unstructured
education
Use synonyms
 system and weak international trade.
This
Linking Words
viciouscycle
Suggestion
vicious cycle
 will continue indefinitely unless
weathier
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
wealthier
weather
 nations show interest in minimizing the worldwide economic differences
,
Accept space
,
as well as taking more responsibility for assisting less fortunate countries. Most of the African countries live in sub-human conditions because of the extreme poverty
,
Accept space
,
upheaval
,
Accept space
,
hunger
,
Accept space
,
disease
,
Accept space
,
unemployment
,
Accept space
,
lack of
education
Use synonyms
 and both inexperienced and corrupt administrations.The
devastationg
making light of
devastating
 consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could improve if the infected population were to
recive
get something; come into possession of
receive
 free drugs to control the disease
,
Accept space
,
have access to
health
Use synonyms
 professionals and get information on how to prevent its spread.But
this
Linking Words
 can only be
achived
to gain with effort
achieved
 through international help programs in which leaders of the world's richest countries donate medicine and
also
Linking Words
 send and nurses to treat and educate those in need.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
most of the poor countries rely on selling agriculture products and raw materials to rich nations and buying industrialized products from them resulting in a huge financial deficit.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
they borrow a significant amount of money from the World Bank to try to improve their broken economies, but
sometomes
on certain occasions or in certain cases but not always
sometimes
 the money disappears with no significant changes and they cannot even pay the interest to the bank
,
Accept space
,
decided to forgive billions of dollars' worth if
dept
Suggestion
the debt
debt
 owed by the world's poorest nations.
Inaddition
Suggestion
In addition
,
Accept space
,
they developed adequate loan programs to financially assist those countries. In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
leaders
Suggestion
the leaders
 of the industrialised countries play an indispensable role in assisting developing nations in dealing with
essentail
absolutely necessary; vitally necessary
essential
 areas
such
Linking Words
 as
health
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
education
Use synonyms
 and trade.
Also
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
their aid is the key to breaking the vicious cycle
,
Accept space
,
which results in poverty and death.
Submitted by f.feriinz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • underdeveloped nations
  • economic disparity
  • global cooperation
  • moral obligation
  • historical exploitation
  • interconnected world
  • economic stability
  • quality of life
  • trade relationships
  • humanitarian aid
  • capacity building
  • dependency syndrome
  • sustainable development
  • bilateral agreements
  • economic priorities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: