IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
It is common that numbers of children join diverse organization to
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 their
life
Suggestion
lives
. Taking part in different activities is beneficial to children, but a lot of them are not
decide
Suggestion
decided
 by themselves. They often obey to their parents. So, there is belief that children should depend on themselves. They should adjust their
life
Suggestion
lives
 by themselves
。
Accept space
.
.
learning arrange their own life is important too.
This
 essay
agree
Suggestion
agrees
 that children should understand the schedule their time is important and should know how to
deal it better
Suggestion
deal with it better
.
However
, they should be guided by parents at the beginning stage. The youth are the ones who more deeply understand themselves. Compared with others, only the youth themselves truly know their pastimes.
Although
 parents can talk to them, they have their own preferences. It might exist some misunderstanding,
then
 parents might choose a subject the children have no interest on it. So, it is better children choose their own hobbies and take part in the institutions,
then
 arrange it by themselves
。
Suggestion
.
However
, children are too young to know how to seek the right hobbies.
children
Suggestion
Children
 are not mature enough to choose the right hobbies.
If
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 just let children decide by themselves, they might pick just browse
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 and join a group that only play video games. It is obviously not that ideal.
For example
, when my brothers were young they always choose to play video games together. It is hard for them to choose a truly good
interests
Suggestion
interest
 without parents‘ help.
to
Suggestion
To
 summarise, children should acquire how to schedule their spare time, but they should guide by parents
first
.
Therefore
, they can choose good organizations to spend time and can choose what
they
of them or themselves
their
 interest.
Submitted by jkl12zys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
Look at other essays: