IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even thogh the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female .companies should be allocate a certain percentage of these poistions

#positions #companies #men #thogh #workforce #countries #cent #percentage #poistions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the achieve the
equally
Suggestion
equality
 between men and women in some
companies
Suggestion
companies'
company
 men still get the perks and positions whereas women do not!
However
Linking Words
, some believed
that that companies should
Suggestion
that companies should
 not
distanguish
mark as different
distinguish
 between men and women it should give some of
this
Linking Words
 for females.
Moreover
Linking Words
, In my opinion I strongly agree with that and in
this
Linking Words
 essay I will discuss that.
Linking Words
Firstly there
Accept comma addition
Firstly, there
 is no
dout
the state of being unsure of something
doubt
 that nowadays women become more
sucsseful
having succeeded or being marked by a favorable outcome
successful
 than how they were,
Linking Words
furthermore they
Accept comma addition
furthermore, they
 proved their qualifications in many filed of jobs, nobody can deny that women worth
pormotions
a message issued in behalf of some product or cause or idea or person or institution
promotions
 and perks more as many as men get because they work more and better and they do not have
absence
Suggestion
an absence
 in their jobs like men.
Fot
Suggestion
For
Fort
 example, according to a survey in an
Australia
Suggestion
Australian
 company the management said women were
better but
Accept comma addition
better, but
 to be honest when we want to
detrmine
establish after a calculation, investigation, experiment, survey, or study
determine
 a position men get it easily they look more
agreesive
having or showing determination and energetic pursuit of your ends
aggressive
.
as
Suggestion
As
 a
resault
a phenomenon that follows and is caused by some previous phenomenon
result
results
,
Accept space
,
women do
better but
Accept comma addition
better, but
 get less
this
Linking Words
 rule can
destoryed
make false by mutilation or addition; as of a message or story
distort
 their
carachters
an imaginary person represented in a work of fiction (play or film or story)
characters
character
character's
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
it it
the thing named or in question
it
 is commonly believed that women are busier than men, they are responsible for taking care of
children
Suggestion
child
children's
child's
 housing
besides
Linking Words
 having their
job
Suggestion
jobs
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 men just have to do his job
For
Linking Words
instance accordine
Accept comma addition
instance, according
instance according
 to
delytime
Suggestion
, during an interview with a
business man
a person engaged in commercial or industrial business (especially an owner or executive)
businessman
, he said: we do not trust women they
are always have
Suggestion
always have
are always having
have always had
 a lot of things to do it, they always confused
an
Suggestion
a
nervious
easily agitated
nervous
. So men believed that
the
people in general
they
 have the
qulifications
an attribute that must be met or complied with and that fits a person for something
qualifications
qualification
 and the
paitient
a person who requires medical care
patient
patients
 at work. To conclude
,
Accept space
,
I strongly agree with that women worth to achieve the
equally
Suggestion
equality
 with men, she has the right to be and get like men,
furthermore
Linking Words
 gender roles were in the
last
Linking Words
 decades we should forget it.
Submitted by Yara on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: