IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #percentage #tourists #england #four #attractions #brighton #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of England visitors,
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Art gallery, pavilion, Pier and festival in Brighton between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that
people
Use synonyms
 visiting Pier and Pavillion, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fluctuations
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
increased slightly over the period given.
People
Use synonyms
 deciding to go to Gallery dropped significantly in these 25
years
Use synonyms
. Festival goers
remains
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 stable all those
years
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 visits
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Pavillion were around 22% in 1980
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 before it climbed dramatically above 45% in 1995,
then
Linking Words
 reduced steadily to just above 30% in 2010. Pier’s number of audiences
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hovered around 10% until 2000
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 before it went up significantly to around 22% in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 year. Art Gallary saw
a double fans
Correct the article-noun agreement
double fans
a double fan
show examples
 in the first 5
years
Use synonyms
 from about 23% in 1980 to 36% in 1985. In
Linking Words
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 5
years
Use synonyms
visitors
Change noun form
visitors'
visitor's
show examples
 count
dip
Wrong verb form
dipped
show examples
 down to just below 20%,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 went
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
down to below 5% in 2010. In 1980, the number of
people
Use synonyms
attended
Correct pronoun usage
who attended
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 30%, before it steadily dropped
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 25% in 1995, a slight increase to about 28% in 2000 which remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 till the final year.
Submitted by jerseynani3 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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