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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour
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Nowadays,
violence
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 on
television
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 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has
led
Verb problem
had
show examples
 a great impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.Some people believe that it can affect one's life
whereas
Linking Words
, few deny the fact that it can be influential in people's
behaviour
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 in any
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
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.
However
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, in my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I feel that
television
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 and
computer
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games
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does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have a damaging effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society in most of the perspective.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when we look into the factors that can have a damaging effect on
the
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apply
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society,
for instance
Linking Words
, unpleasant language used in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
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 content or
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of slang words in gaming, these can lead to substantial behavioural changes in a
person
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's life. In spite of the fact that the
behaviour
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 of an individual is not controlled by external aspects, I believe that there are few circumstances where it can be seen that a
person
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perform
Correct subject-verb agreement
performs
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 certain actions based on what he has perceived earlier.
Computer
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games
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, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 mostly used by
young
Add an article
the young
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 generation, can affect their mentality in
altogether
Rephrase
apply
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many different aspects. It can harm their mind and deteriorate their thinking ability. It can
cause
Verb problem
have
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huge
Add an article
a huge
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 impact
in
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on
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 one's
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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. A
person
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 learns from what he has perceived from others.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
,
violence
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 shown on
television
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 and in
computer
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games
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 directly impacts an individual's mind and he acts exactly the same way whenever
such
Linking Words
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 situation arises.
Television
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 is a platform where people learn most of the things
and
Correct word choice
apply
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which in turn can be referred
as
Change preposition
to as
show examples
 a measure of influence in a
person
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's
behaviour
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. It can change a
person
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 drastically.
Television
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 can be considered as a major aspect that shapes a
person
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 in terms of
behaviour
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, actions and thinking power.
In addition
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,
violence
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 on
television
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 and
games
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 has a great influence on an individual's skills as well. All things considered,
violence
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 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
gaming
Add an article
the gaming
show examples
 world is one of the major
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
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 an individual's behavioural change which can harm the individual and change him as a human.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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