Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Nowadays,
violence
on
television
and in
computer
games
has
led
Verb problem
had
show examples
a great impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.Some people believe that it can affect one's life
whereas
, few deny the fact that it can be influential in people's
behaviour
in any
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
.
However
, in my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I feel that
television
and
computer
games
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
not have a damaging effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in most of the perspective.
Firstly
, when we look into the factors that can have a damaging effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
for instance
, unpleasant language used in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
content or
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
of slang words in gaming, these can lead to substantial behavioural changes in a
person
's life. In spite of the fact that the
behaviour
of an individual is not controlled by external aspects, I believe that there are few circumstances where it can be seen that a
person
perform
Correct subject-verb agreement
performs
show examples
certain actions based on what he has perceived earlier.
Computer
games
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
mostly used by
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation, can affect their mentality in
altogether
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many different aspects. It can harm their mind and deteriorate their thinking ability. It can
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
one's
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. A
person
learns from what he has perceived from others.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
,
violence
shown on
television
and in
computer
games
directly impacts an individual's mind and he acts exactly the same way whenever
such
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
situation arises.
Television
is a platform where people learn most of the things
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which in turn can be referred
as
Change preposition
to as
show examples
a measure of influence in a
person
's
behaviour
. It can change a
person
drastically.
Television
can be considered as a major aspect that shapes a
person
in terms of
behaviour
, actions and thinking power.
In addition
,
violence
on
television
and
games
has a great influence on an individual's skills as well. All things considered,
violence
on
television
and in
gaming
Add an article
the gaming
show examples
world is one of the major
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
an individual's behavioural change which can harm the individual and change him as a human.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
What to do next:
Look at other essays: