IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A government’s role is only to provide defence capability and urban infrastructure (roads, water supplies, etc.). All other services (education, health, social security) should be provided by private groups or individuals in the community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the advent of privatization some
holds
Suggestion
hold
 a stand that
government
Use synonyms
’s primary duty is to defend the country and provide
basic infrastructure
Suggestion
the basic infrastructure
 like water, electricity and roads, and private companies or individuals should take responsibilities to cater to secondary needs of the citizens like education, health and transportation, to name a few. I have three reasons to agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. The
first
Linking Words
 reason, in countries like India, corruption is the burning issue. In
Use synonyms
government sector
Suggestion
the government sector
, no one will show interest to do your work unless you offer them something.
For example
Linking Words
, in Indian vehicle driving license issuing department, if you bribe the driving test examiner, he will issue a license at the very moment. Everywhere in
government
Use synonyms
 departments, the scenario is the same. By giving all
such
Linking Words
 secondary responsibilities to private companies or individuals, we ensure ourselves, we can reduce the corruption. The
second
Linking Words
 reason, in
government
Use synonyms
 departments, the efficiency of employees is very low. They will consume a whole day to do a work of mere one and half hours.
This
Linking Words
 is the attitude of every
government
Use synonyms
 official because they know that
this
Linking Words
 is the tradition which is set by their superiors. Privatization will eradicate
this
Linking Words
 slow working mentality, because they have to earn
money
Use synonyms
. They won’t get paid if their work is not completed. The
third
Linking Words
 reason, at least we will get
benefits
Suggestion
the benefits
 of our paid taxes. We pay some amount of our hard earned
money
Use synonyms
 to
Use synonyms
government
Suggestion
the government
 for our welfare.
Instead
Linking Words
 of using
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 for us, governments spend it for their welfare. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, according to
recent food bill
Suggestion
the recent food bill
of
Suggestion
in
 the Indian parliament, approximately 2lac rupees are spent behind one member. Of course, we have to pay
tax but
Accept comma addition
tax, but
 rather to
paying
Suggestion
pay
 to
government
Use synonyms
 we will be paying to private companies. Our
money
Use synonyms
 will be used for a real public welfare purpose. To sum up, in the
third
Linking Words
 world, citizens are living
miserable life
Suggestion
miserable lives
a miserable life
 and to
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 their primary and secondary needs and amenities
government
Use synonyms
 should spin off their some responsibilities and hand it over to
private sector
Suggestion
the private sector
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: