IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

#employers #offer #employees #membership #gyms #sports #clubs #staff #work #benefit #arguments #aspects #debate #conclusion
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Certain employers subscribe to the much healthier employee, the more effectiveness output. So they consider some perks for gyms and healthy activities. There is an argument around
this
Linking Words
 belief.
However
Linking Words
, which will be discussed here. On the one hand, it might be said, as many researches on performance reviews reveal 30 minute workout will raise the efficiency of workers approximately 30%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, perks include gym payments will motivate people to allocate more time for their leisure time and obviously it will include a work/life balance which increase their fulfils surprisingly.
This
Linking Words
 may even be more motivating than pay increments, perks or financial rewards which are hard to obtain.
Finally
Linking Words
, feeling healthier may lead to better job satisfaction
that is
Linking Words
 a highlight factor of motivation.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the problem with those leisure-base subsidies is that their efficacy is virtually impossible to measure.
For example
Linking Words
, with target-related payments, the employers can at least determine whether the aims are reached or not.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, Some beliefs are circulating around
this
Linking Words
 point that budget should be spent on the job training or day release programmes because the workers would achieve better career progression and have better job prospects. These aspects are much easier to analyse specially in appraisals. To conclude, it seems that, while health-related subsidies are superficially attractive, the lack of measurement ability is a substantial drawback. Spending funds on ongoing training would appear to be a better use of company of human resources budgets
Submitted by ol.parya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • subsidized membership
  • physical activity
  • energy levels
  • employee productivity
  • work performance
  • sick leaves
  • healthier lifestyle
  • absenteeism
  • employee morale
  • workplace environment
  • employee retention
  • corporate image
  • branding
  • health and wellness benefits
  • top talent
  • healthcare costs
  • medical intervention
  • lack of usage
  • underutilization
  • alternative wellness programs
  • mental health resources
  • flexible working hours
  • professional development
  • individual responsibility
  • corporate responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: