IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many studies have shown that most criminals have a low level of education. Some people say that to reduce the crime rate, criminals must be educated within prisons. It will improve their prospects of employment when they are released. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

#studies #criminals #level #education #people #crime #rate #prisons #prospects #employment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is
oftenly
Suggestion
 believed by experts that there must be
education
Use synonyms
 facilities within prisons. As,
majority
Suggestion
the majority
 of offenders are
illeterate
not able to read or write
illiterate
illiterates
literate
 and
education
Use synonyms
 can open doors for employment for them after release. In turn,
crime rate
Suggestion
the crime rate
 can drop down.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
education
Use synonyms
 policy to people in jails.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
firstly
Linking Words
, the poverty is
culprit
a document granting exclusive right to publish and sell literary or musical or artistic work
copyright
 of crimes and
secondly
Linking Words
, educating prisoners about civilization and human safety can bring a bright change for them and
also
Linking Words
 for
society
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with poverty is the root cause of robbery, street crimes like mugging etc.
Underpriviledged
Suggestion
Underprivileged
 individuals who
suffers
Suggestion
suffer
 from deprivation of basic life
amneties
things that make you comfortable and at ease
amenities
such
Linking Words
 as food, clothes and houses they could adopt the way to snatch those from affluents. If, these offenders acquire few skills or get study certificates while staying in jails, after
releasing
earn on some commercial or business transaction; earn as salary or wages
realising
realizing
 they would definitely prefer to utilize those to get jobs to meet living expenses.
For instance
Linking Words
, In
US
Suggestion
the US
, criminals of
this
Linking Words
 category like robbers, muggers and less dangerous
effenders
a person who transgresses moral or civil law
offenders
 are privileged to attain study
couses
education imparted in a series of lessons or meetings
courses
causes
cases
 and
that is
Linking Words
 accounted as
effective strategy
Suggestion
an effective strategy
effective strategies
 to reduce crimes in
society
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, lawbreakers of serious crimes like terrorism and attempt to murder could get better life
percpective
a way of regarding situations or topics etc.
perspective
perspectives
throguh
from beginning to end
through
education
Use synonyms
. If professional teachers not only
teach study
Accept comma addition
teach, study
 courses which could be
valueable
having great material or monetary value especially for use or exchange
valuable
available
 in later life, but
additionally
Linking Words
councel
a lawyer who pleads cases in court
counsel
council
cancel
 and make an awareness about civilized
society
Use synonyms
 and human safety rights can lead to their rehabilitation. Terrorists are usually trained in
etong
the act of consuming food
eating
 hands so, learning process can be a brainwash for them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, studies in prisons not only keeps wrongdoers engaged
positively bur
Accept comma addition
positively, but
positively but
also
Linking Words
 allow them to get awareness and better lifestyle.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
society
Use synonyms
 develops in
right way
Suggestion
the right way
. Conclusively, putting lawbreakers in learning environment keep them involved and provide a chance of employment in
rest
Suggestion
the rest
 of their lives.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 opens new world and might help in changing
mindset
Suggestion
the mindset
mindsets
 to behave well in
society
Use synonyms
 which leads to low criminal incidents eventually.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: