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Band 4.5

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour
These days
,
Accept space
,
the amount of Violence is increasing in the media.While few of us debate that there is a dangerous impact on the humans because of the entertainment sources
(
Accept space
(
tv and computer games)
,
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,
others argue that
their
in or at that place
there
is
Suggestion
are
 no damaging effects on the society.In my
opinion i
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opinion, I
opinion I
 agree that Violence is escalating due to the media and it had significant effects on
people
Suggestion
peoples
 behaviour
Firstly
,
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,
It had great effects on children who want to replicate
every thing
all things
everything
 at that age
with out
in absence of
without
 proper guidance they will attract to violence and use it on others in
form
Suggestion
the form
 of fighting or
sexualy
 harassing
some one
a human being
someone
 and it will
led
Suggestion
lead
 to damage their career.
For
example on
Accept comma addition
example, one
example one
 of my street boy who see lots of commercial movies from his childhood and imitate the fights in school and it got him into the so much trouble and one day he injured his fellow classmate in college very badly and it led him into police case and
its
it is
it's
 abroad dreams are scattered
Moreover
 People addicted to TV'S and PC games very badly.They can't see the real life and living in the virtual reality and try the moves that used in the games and it turns to hurting themselves and others
accidentaly
without advance planning
accidentally
accidental
.Due to the media mental stability of human is distracting and it had a serious consequence on the society. In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
Violence in the media
effects
the conscious subjective aspect of feeling or emotion
affects
people
Suggestion
person's
peoples'
peoples
 behaviour and it is alarming to the society.They have greater
influance
a power to affect persons or events especially power based on prestige etc
influence
 on children and adults who can move it into the bad direction and spoil themselves
also
.

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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