IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
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Some people think that entertainers
such
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 as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money and I
also
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 feel
that is
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 true. I totally agree with
this
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 thought. Let's discuss in details. In today's world, we can categorise these entertainers are the highest earners in the
society
Use synonyms
. Their earning is much higher than most of the people.
This
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 difference
also
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 leads to the making of more poor people within the
society
Use synonyms
. I will describe in my view why these high salaries are unfair.
Firstly
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, entertainers are
also
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 doing their job as other people in the world. Each and every individual in the workforce
are giving
Suggestion
are given
 some support to make the national income in a country.
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Therefore it
Accept comma addition
Therefore, it
 is unfair to pay very big salaries to fewer people.
Furthermore
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, payments should be done according to the job type, not considering the popularity.
Secondly
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, these people earn much higher than well-educated ones in the
society
Use synonyms
 like doctors, engineers, accountants etc. It is not the best practise knowledge and wisdom are less valued here.
This
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 will definitely discourage young people to be professionals.
Thirdly
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, paying very high salaries to the film stars, sports stars or musicians makes an unfair situation to the poor people who are working very hard to make ends meet. Most of the government servants might not get good wages as the government cannot arrange the money since entertainers are highly paid. We should not forget that these
payment
Suggestion
payments
 made by the government
from
Suggestion
for
 everyone's money. To sum up I
also
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 feel that entertainers are highly paid and I think these payment systems should be
done an intelligent
Suggestion
done in an intelligent
 and fairly way than
this
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. I think salary scales must be designed very fairly than present. Wages
might be plan
Suggestion
might plan
 considering various measures
such
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 as how hard is the job, educational level, profession.
Linking Words
Moreover professionals
Accept comma addition
Moreover, professionals
 like doctors, engineers, accountants, lecturers should be highly paid
since
Suggestion
for
 it encourages
society
Use synonyms
 to be educated. But it is
also
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 should be at a balanced level.
Submitted by gaganbrar7007 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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