IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force? Such as the army while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of job. Discuss both views and give opinions.

#people #women #role #men #country’s #police #force #army #kinds #job
A number of individuals
agrees
Suggestion
agree
 that female
gender
 ought to play
same role
Suggestion
the same role
 as male
gender
 in the military force, whereas, others think female
gender
 are not built for these kind of occupation. In my opinion, I agree that women are not built for
such
 jobs rather they should be involved with less rigorous occupations. Admittedly, these are some merits involved with women working in the military force.
Firstly
, to achieve
Gender
 equality across all sectors.
This
 will give them a sense of belonging and participation in the country’s defence sector. Major decisions are taken, it will only be fair to get contributions and ideas from both
gender
Suggestion
genders
, so as not making anyone feel left out.
Also
, recent research at the University of California shows that female species have
mor analytic
Suggestion
more analytical
more analytic
 skills than male species. Many times decisions that
requires
Suggestion
require
this
 skill will be required at the war front, the country will be at lesser risk if the
gender
 that can perform at
this
 task is given a chance to do so.
Nevertheless
, despite the advantages above,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 believe women could be more needed in a subtle environment where their emotional and understanding skills is put to play.
For instance
, in schools where some pupils are having challenges that requires a gentle approach female teachers are more suitable to assist with
such
 issues.
Moreover
, the female anatomy is not built for the war zone, their biceps and triceps are not as strong as that of the males’ which could make them susceptible to securing injuries that could be avoided if they had stronger bones. In conclusion, being susceptible to major injuries far
overweighs any
Accept comma addition
otherwise, any
otherwise any
 of the minor benefits that could result from achieving
gender
 equality across all sectors.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: