IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gym or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in so doing. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#employers #offer #employees #membership #gym #sports #clubs #staff #work #benefit
recognittion
Suggestion
Recognition
Recognittion
,
appreciaton
understanding of the nature or meaning or quality or magnitude of something
appreciation
appreciating
, productivity, effective, -
yes
Suggestion
Yes
, some people gym, sports
activities etc
Accept comma addition
activities, etc.
activities etc.
neceesaary
absolutely essential
necessary
-
effctive
producing or capable of producing an intended result or having a striking effect
effective
, relax their mind and
conentrate
make denser, stronger, or purer
concentrate
 on
work
inorder
Suggestion
in order
 to increase the productivity. And
also
, they will get more excited to come to
work place
a place where work is done
workplace
 to participate in their
intersted
having or showing interest; especially curiosity or fascination or concern
interested
 activity.
secondly
Suggestion
Secondly
, some employers see no benefit because of workers might
loose
fail to keep or to maintain; cease to have, either physically or in an abstract sense
lose
 their concentration on
work
 and concentrate greatly on extra curricular activities
.
Accept space
.
Moreover some
Accept comma addition
Moreover, some
 employers think of funds and don't want to spend money
in
Suggestion
on
 extra activities.
Lastly
, my opinion would be to give some fresh air to employees by conducting activities, sports clubs,
etc
continuing in the same way
etc.
 in appropriate times and supporting to do workouts in their mean time or after
work
 to get healthier is a good
statergy
an elaborate and systematic plan of action
strategy
 to get workers fit into their position and
also
 benefits their strength for the company's growth.
Submitted by salesforcemadhuri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: