IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, it is common for women to participate in the workforce when their children are young. what are the advantages and disadvantages?

#countries #women #workforce #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Number
Suggestion
The number
 of women are increasing to enter as workforce in all the
feilds
a piece of land cleared of trees and usually enclosed
fields
. Nowadays it is common for all women to participate in the workforce.
However
Linking Words
, there are both pros and cons for working women. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss some of the advantages of women participate in the workforce and some of the challenges to be overcome.
To begin
Linking Words
 by looking at the advantages of working women. One of the main positives of having working women in the family will increase
income
Suggestion
the income
 of
thier
of them or themselves
their
 family. In
present day situation
Suggestion
the present day situation
 in any
family both
Accept comma addition
family, both
 man and woman have to earn in order to meet their expenditures, savings for
future
Suggestion
the future
 and to live a king size life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, parents can afford for their children's studies without any financial burdens. Let
uc
The objective case of we, the persons speaking
us
 take an example of my village where men only are working.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, they cannot afford for children to make study in schools where international standards are maintained.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, a working
women
Suggestion
woman
 who handles a lot issues in
work place
Suggestion
the work place
 can be able to handle any situation that occurs to disturb
thier
of them or themselves
their
 family life. Turning to the
otherside
Suggestion
other side
 of the argument, if a woman
fail
Suggestion
fails
 to look over their
children
Suggestion
children's
child's
child
 behaviour is a major problem.
Mother
Suggestion
The mother
 is the
first
Linking Words
 teacher of any child. If she
fail
Suggestion
fails
 to
bulid
make by combining materials and parts
build
 the career of the child will have an adverse effect on the family and society too. Another issue is that work tensions may increase
gap
Suggestion
the gap
 between mother and
children
Suggestion
child
child's
 relation. Due to the tensions in
office
Suggestion
the office
 they most likely to take
rest
Suggestion
a rest
instead
Linking Words
 of spending time with their children. All things considered, the working women have to balance their family and office to lead a happy life and to give the best to their children.. Personally, I believe the benefits in terms of children's future outweigh any negative.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce
  • economic benefits
  • standard of living
  • professional growth
  • career progression
  • social network
  • emotional support
  • role modeling
  • work-life balance
  • childcare costs
  • external childcare
  • additional income
  • emotional development
  • career opportunities
  • part-time roles
  • less demanding positions
  • juggling responsibilities
  • family environment
  • job satisfaction
  • financial security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: