IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interest
In
recently
Suggestion
recent
years most
Accept comma addition
years, most
 applying form
wants
Suggestion
have been wanting
 to more detail about us when we are
fill
Suggestion
filling
 in the form.
This
 detail, it’s could be relevant everything. It’s depends on employers what they
wants
Suggestion
want
. After we gave at
this
information
, the company keep in
this
information
 for what? The people
divide
Suggestion
are divided
 in two groups about discussing
this
 issue. And each one is right about their consider. If we are considering as a manager they want to could be find perfect match role for their the employee. And when they
are doing
Suggestion
do
this
 perfect match
this
informations
a message received and understood
information
 are gonna be contribution for them. And in
this
 result the managers could be increasing performance
in
Suggestion
on
 occasion.
Therefore it’s
Accept comma addition
Therefore, it’s
 more significant as we thought. The some people support
this
 idea. According to
this
people
Suggestion
person
, they can be rising at their position at the work if they work for
perfect match
Suggestion
a perfect match
the perfect match
. But the other side rest of the
employee
Suggestion
employees
, they are not concur in
this
 issue. They ask, Does it
information
 is really necessary for work? The thought, the personal
information
 it’s not gonna be helping the improving job.
Thus they
Accept comma addition
Thus, they
 don’t want to share their a personal
life
Accept comma addition
life, such
such
 as marital status or hobbies. Because they don’t believe the idea which about
perfect match
Suggestion
a perfect match
. The personal life shouldn’t be share
to
Suggestion
of
 the other persons. They believe we
just developing
Suggestion
are just developing
 our job with hard working. It’s not vital the position for us
at
Suggestion
in
 the workplace. In conclusion, I
am not support
Suggestion
am not supporting
don't support
do not support
have not supported
 the both of
side
Suggestion
sides
. Each side is right about some parts. In my opinion, it could be more useful learning some
information
 about
employee
Suggestion
the employee
an employee
employees
. But
such
 as knowledge could be about arts, music or interests. If the employers want
to learning
Suggestion
to learn
this
 knowledge people don’t hesitate
for
Suggestion
in
 giving the personal details. And these are could be helping the developing to business. But like a martial status
knowledge it’s
Accept comma addition
knowledge, it’s
 not an important detail for nobody.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: