IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

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In the modern
Use synonyms
society many
Accept comma addition
society, many
peopel
(plural) any group of human beings (men or women or children) collectively
people
 try to look for different
job
Use synonyms
 which they
didnot experenced
Suggestion
did not experience
did not experenced
have not experienced
did not experienced
didnot experienced
didnot experience
 before, I will discuss what is
reson
Suggestion
the reason
reason
a reason
reasons
resin
 why and is it a demerit or merit
ot
connects a noun with the preceding word
of
to
out
 our
society
Use synonyms
 It
is commenly taking
Suggestion
commonly takes
is commonly taking
is communally taking
 place that many people to
change
Use synonyms
 their
job
Use synonyms
, even though usually it is not easy and constantly difficult, so our question started from why,. At
first
Linking Words
 reason
is sometimes
Accept comma addition
is, sometimes
 they do not have another option.
For example
Linking Words
, many people have to resign their
Use synonyms
work wheather
Accept comma addition
work, whether
work whether
 want or not because of
employer
Suggestion
the employer
 or company policy. It means they cannot continue their career. The
second
Linking Words
 reason is
chance
Suggestion
the chance
. There is
huge number
Suggestion
a huge number
 of new
Use synonyms
job
Suggestion
jobs
 which we did not imagine in the
past
Accept comma addition
past, such
such
Linking Words
 as Internet marketing
,
Accept space
,
uber
at a higher position than
over
taxi
Suggestion
taxis
a taxi
, and
airbnb
Suggestion
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people have more
opportuinty
a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances
opportunity
opportunities
 to
change
Use synonyms
 their
job
Use synonyms
 The
last
Linking Words
 reason is individual
choosies
an occurrence of something
cases
chooses
courses
, Many People have hard time to find
work
Use synonyms
 that
first
Linking Words
 them If they cannot enjoy their
work
Use synonyms
 it might push them to
change
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 their
work
Use synonyms
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, it
is complicate
Suggestion
is complicated
 to
justifiy
show to be reasonable or provide adequate ground for
justify
 if it is positive or negative
for
Suggestion
in
 our
society
Use synonyms
 because it can be both.
However
Linking Words
, I believe changing career has some good to our
society
Use synonyms
. In the modern
life style
a manner of living that reflects the person's values and attitudes
lifestyle
, many people have to
faced
Suggestion
face
 with taxation in working place It caused a lot of stress. If people cannot
setisfied
Suggestion
satisfy
satisfied
 their
job
Use synonyms
 it could be a
proplem
a state of difficulty that needs to be resolved
problem
 for
ouor
of or belonging to us
our
your
siciety
an extended social group having a distinctive cultural and economic organization
society
 either
then
Linking Words
, stay the same position for a long time does not
means
Suggestion
mean
 they have loyalty.
sometimes
Suggestion
Sometimes
 it means low motivation or afraid of
challanging
requiring full use of your abilities or resources
challenging
. In conclusion,
Actually there
Accept comma addition
Actually, there
 is nothing wrong to
change
Use synonyms
 their
job
Use synonyms
 even several times. Because it is personal choice and
then
Linking Words
 if can make collaboration in different experience from various
Use synonyms
job
Suggestion
jobs
for
Suggestion
in
 our
society
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • establish
  • identity
  • influence
  • social media
  • digital communication
  • commitments
  • pressure
  • academic
  • profession
  • prioritize
  • cultural shifts
  • societal shifts
  • peer relationships
  • emotional support
  • guidance
  • voluntary
  • autonomy
  • balance
  • resilient
  • overbearing
What to do next:
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