IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods.

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods.
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The charts and graph beneath illustrate
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the expenditure on fast food in Britain and
also
Linking Words
 represent their
consumption
Use synonyms
 The given chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the expenditure on fast food
according to
Linking Words
income
Use synonyms
 groups and the graph represents the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of fast food from 1970-1990. Expenditures of
High
Add a hyphen
High-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 on Hamburger is high more than 40 pence per week as compared to
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 and
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 which is (less than 35 and just under 15).
Average
Correct article usage
The average
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 spent 25 pence on Fish and pizza which is more than average and
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 which is (just under 20n for both). The given graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 that the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of Hamburger and Pizza
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 from (1970-1990) from (100-200
grams
Use synonyms
) .but the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of fish and chips
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 1985 from (300-200
grams
Use synonyms
) but its
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 increase from(1985-1990) up to 250
grams
Use synonyms
. So the
overall
Linking Words
consumption
Use synonyms
 and expenditure of hamburgers in price or in
grams
Use synonyms
 are increase as compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two groups.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, income, group, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast food industry
  • expenditure
  • demographics
  • consumer behavior
  • nutritional content
  • advertising campaigns
  • socio-economic status
  • health implications
  • dietary habits
  • processed foods
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