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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

chart shows the weekly leisure time spent in hours by men and women under different employment status in year 1998-99

chart shows the weekly leisure time spent in hours by men and women under different employment status in year 1998-99
#leisure #time #hours #men #women #employment #status #year
The chart shows the weekly
leisure
time
 spent in
hours
 by
men
 and
women
 under different
employment
status
Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
show examples
 in
Change the article
the year
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1998-99. Both the unemployed and retired
men
 and
women
 spend
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large chunk of their
time
 in
leisure
 among all the different
employment
status
Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
show examples
. In both these categories,
men
 still spend more
leisure
time
 around 85
hours
 per week which is 10
hours
 more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
.
Overall
,
men
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
women
 in
leisure
time
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 among all the
employment
 categories. It can
also
 be noticed that no
men
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 interested in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-
time
 jobs and in the
housewives
Change the noun form
housewife
show examples
 role. Only
women
 can be found in these
employment
 statuses. Housewives
women
 typically spend around 50
hours
leisure
Change preposition
of leisure
show examples
time
 per week
whereas
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-
time
 employed
women
 spend around 40
hours
 of their
time
 in
leisure
. Full-
time
 employed
men
 and
women
 spend the least
time
 in
leisure
 weekly compared to all other
employment
 statuses.
Men
 still in
this
 category manage to spend more
leisure
time
 compared to the
women
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 around 45
hours
, 10
hours
 more than the
women
Submitted by joshi65201 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words leisure, time, hours, men, women, employment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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