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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods
The chart shows the number of men and women in
further
education
 in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. In 1970/71, part-time
education
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 has
markedly
Add an article
a markedly
show examples
 bigger value than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. Men have 1 million
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 participants in that year, but
on the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 women have between 600 and 800
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
part-time
Add the comma(s)
,part-time
show examples
education
 participants. There is
also
difference
Add an article
a difference
the difference
show examples
 between men and women in
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
education
 participants, but there is no
considerably
Change the adverb
considerable
show examples
 difference between them. Full-time
education
 rises slightly
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other years which is 1980/81 and 1990/91, but there is still
markedly
Correct article usage
a markedly
show examples
 difference between part-time
education
 and full-time
education
 for male and female. Part-time
education
 changes fluctuated in males but
on the other hand
,
female
Add an article
the female
a female
show examples
 has a
markedly
Change the adverb
marked
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 part-time
education
.
Submitted by akifyasiralikma on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 94%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
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