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Band 4.5

Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young experience less individuals?To what extent you agree or disagree?

#industry #workers #individuals
Workers play a vital role in the development of an
industry
. Industries are run by entrepreneurs who have the main aim of earning profit. As the years
are progressing
Suggestion
have progressed
 the new and young workers are replacing the old and experienced workers. I think
this
 is a good thing. I strongly agree that it is wise to replace the young workers with
the old
Suggestion
older
 workers. These are the reasons for my opinion: the industries are changing, new ideas are required and the young experience should be given a chance. The industries are changing dramatically nowadays. About 50 years ago most of the industries in my country were run manually.
For instance
, the
production
 was done by the workers, but now most of the
production
 is done with the help of machines. The old and experienced workers had the know-how about the old
production
 methods, but unfortunately those methods are no longer applicable these days. Their experience is of no value as most of the industries have abandoned the old
production
 methods. It is very difficult to find a job is today’s economy. The financial crisis has disturbed the lives of millions of people. People complete their education and hope to find a job, but they end up being unemployed. It is very important to give new jobs to the young workers in our society. If these people are not given the
jobs
Accept comma addition
jobs, then
then
 they might indulge themselves into unlawful activities which would harm the society as a whole. If
the young
Suggestion
younger
 workers are deprived of their rights
then
 they will have to live an arduous and troubled life. Some people argue that even if the old
production
 methods are not being used,
the old
Suggestion
older
 workers can still play a significant role in the
industry
.
This
 is a valid point, but we should not forget that an
industry
 needs a workforce which is vibrant and young. We may grant management positions to
the old
Suggestion
older
 workers, so that they may advise the company or
industry
 or strategic matters but the workforce must be young and energetic. I have discussed the
industry
 in my country and some people might not agree with my opinion, but if you take a general view
at
Suggestion
on
in
of
this
 situation
then
 you would agree with my point and acknowledge the fact that the young workers have more to offer to the
industry
.
Submitted by aytekin.yolcuyeva on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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