IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, some people argued that watching television and playing video
games
 are not beneficial to younger generations' mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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. I completely agree with
this
 claim, as these activities promote violence and can deliver a message that
are
Change the verb form
is
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 not suitable
to
Change preposition
for
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 young audiences.
To begin
 with, the advent of televisions and vast options of
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
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 to watch, are not helping children to achieve optimal mental health.
This
 activity is readily available with a single click
in
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of
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 the remote control, which is very detrimental to younger viewers without parental guidance.
In other words
, youngsters can access the wide array of
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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channel
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channels
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 which can have scenes that
are
Verb problem
do
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 not
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
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 good manners and proper conduct that later on they can adapt.
Although
 there is a regulating body,
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 is responsible
in
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for
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 scrutinizing the episodes that can be watched, we can never
assure
Verb problem
ensure
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 that all scenes promote a healthy mentality
such
 as adultery and crimes.
In addition
, playing video
games
 is not suited for children as
this
 exposes them to violence and aggression. The available
games
,
like
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apply
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for example
, Contra and Street Fighter are being inspired by battle and power that promotes the principle of 'survival of the fittest" and the weakest link will
be perish
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perish
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.
This
 kind of mentality is dangerous to young generations as they can adapt
this
 and apply
to
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it to
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 their everyday life. In effect, children can be aggressive in the future and will
loss
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lose
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 the spirit of camaraderie, and always
aiming
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aim
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 to be the best at the expense of others. In conclusion, I totally believe that watching a lot of
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 and playing video
games
 are not healthy
to
Change preposition
for
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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 mental health because
this
 can promote violence and delinquency that can be acquired later on in their lives.

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt and covers all aspects of the question. Provide a clear and balanced argument with supporting evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas and ensure that there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Use linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas and create a logical flow.
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