IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child #health
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Recently, some people argued that watching television and playing video
games
Use synonyms
 are not beneficial to younger generations' mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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. I completely agree with
this
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 claim, as these activities promote violence and can deliver a message that
are
Change the verb form
is
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 not suitable
to
Change preposition
for
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 young audiences.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the advent of televisions and vast options of
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
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 to watch, are not helping children to achieve optimal mental health.
This
Linking Words
 activity is readily available with a single click
in
Change preposition
of
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 the remote control, which is very detrimental to younger viewers without parental guidance.
In other words
Linking Words
, youngsters can access the wide array of
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
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 which can have scenes that
are
Verb problem
do
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 not
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
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 good manners and proper conduct that later on they can adapt.
Although
Linking Words
 there is a regulating body,
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 is responsible
in
Change preposition
for
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 scrutinizing the episodes that can be watched, we can never
assure
Verb problem
ensure
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 that all scenes promote a healthy mentality
such
Linking Words
 as adultery and crimes.
In addition
Linking Words
, playing video
games
Use synonyms
 is not suited for children as
this
Linking Words
 exposes them to violence and aggression. The available
games
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,
like
Change preposition
apply
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for example
Linking Words
, Contra and Street Fighter are being inspired by battle and power that promotes the principle of 'survival of the fittest" and the weakest link will
be perish
Change the verb form
perish
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.
This
Linking Words
 kind of mentality is dangerous to young generations as they can adapt
this
Linking Words
 and apply
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
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 their everyday life. In effect, children can be aggressive in the future and will
loss
Replace the word
lose
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 the spirit of camaraderie, and always
aiming
Wrong verb form
aim
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 to be the best at the expense of others. In conclusion, I totally believe that watching a lot of
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 and playing video
games
Use synonyms
 are not healthy
to
Change preposition
for
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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 mental health because
this
Linking Words
 can promote violence and delinquency that can be acquired later on in their lives.

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt and covers all aspects of the question. Provide a clear and balanced argument with supporting evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas and ensure that there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Use linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas and create a logical flow.
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