IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are several
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of equipments
show examples
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 and ingredients in the production of concrete, but before it becomes concrete, it will undergo the process of cementum. Limestone and clay are the main ingredients in making
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cementum. It will undergo
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the course
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crushing
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will turn into powder. That powder will
put
Add a missing verb
be put
show examples
 in the mixer and heating operation in the rotating heater. Afterwards, it will move to
Correct article usage
the grinding
show examples
grinding
Change the verb form
grind
show examples
 process which will result
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cement.
Lastly
Linking Words
, it will move into a
sand bag
Correct your spelling
sandbag
show examples
 and
ready
Add a missing verb
be ready
show examples
 for delivery.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
producing concrete only
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
concrete
Add an article
a concrete
show examples
 mixer.
While
Linking Words
 processing, 50% of gravel, 25% of sand, 15% of cement, and 10% of water are the things needed. In conclusion, making cementum
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 more
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
crusher
Correct article usage
a crusher
show examples
, blender, rotating heater and grinder rather than making concrete which only needs a concrete mixer. There is
also
Linking Words
 more process in creating
cements
Change the wording
cement
types of cement
blocks of cement
show examples
 than creating concrete, but concrete requires more ingredients than cement.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Crushed powder
  • Rotating heater
  • Grinding
  • Mixer
  • Furnace
  • Packaging
  • Proportion
  • Gravel
  • Rotating concrete mixer
  • Raw materials
What to do next:
Look at other essays: