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Writing Samples /
Band 4

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #stages #equipment #process #cement #purposes #summarise #information #features #comparisons
There are several
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of equipments
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equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 and ingredients in the production of concrete, but before it becomes concrete, it will undergo the process of cementum. Limestone and clay are the main ingredients in making
a
Remove the article
apply
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cementum. It will undergo
in
Change preposition
apply
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the course
of
Change preposition
apply
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crushing
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will turn into powder. That powder will
put
Add a missing verb
be put
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 in the mixer and heating operation in the rotating heater. Afterwards, it will move to
Correct article usage
the grinding
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grinding
Change the verb form
grind
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 process which will result
into
Change preposition
in
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 cement.
Lastly
, it will move into a
sand bag
Correct your spelling
sandbag
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 and
ready
Add a missing verb
be ready
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 for delivery.
Furthermore
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
producing concrete only
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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concrete
Add an article
a concrete
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 mixer.
While
 processing, 50% of gravel, 25% of sand, 15% of cement, and 10% of water are the things needed. In conclusion, making cementum
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 more
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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such
 as
crusher
Correct article usage
a crusher
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, blender, rotating heater and grinder rather than making concrete which only needs a concrete mixer. There is
also
 more process in creating
cements
Change the wording
cement
types of cement
blocks of cement
show examples
 than creating concrete, but concrete requires more ingredients than cement.
Submitted by elahuang1 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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