The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The
graduate’s
Change noun form
graduate
show examples
count of a country determines the country’s
education
strength. The graph provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data about university
graduate
numbers in Canada from 1992 to 2007.
This
essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the information provided about
graduate
Add an article
the graduate
show examples
count in Canada between 1992 to 2007. In
this
data
Add a comma
,data
show examples
there is
obvious
Add an article
an obvious
the obvious
show examples
increase in university
graduate
numbers from 1992 to 2006.the gender bias is Cleary noticed in the graph where the female
graduate
counts exceed the male
graduate
counts from earlier years still 2006. The bias is more significant because there is almost
30,000
Correct article usage
a 30,000
show examples
count difference. The reason for the female
graduate
counts domination over males can be many,
such
as male’s responsibility towards their family, maturity level, self-confidence and so on.
For example
, for a
male
Add a comma
,male
show examples
the responsibility of taking care of the family comes in
very
Correct article usage
the very
show examples
early stages of their life , which may push them to skip their
education
and work for the welfare of their family especially when they are from
poor
Add an article
a poor
show examples
background. There are studies showing that females have more confidence and interest in formal theoretical
education
than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
this
also
could be one of the reasons for the bias. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
the data provided shows
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
difference in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
getting
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
pretty well than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
this
can be solved by making the classes more practical and
also
by providing full scholarships for financially unstable persons.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, graduate with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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