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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#university #graduates #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The
graduate’s
Change noun form
graduate
show examples
 count of a country determines the country’s
education
 strength. The graph provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data about university
graduate
 numbers in Canada from 1992 to 2007.
This
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the information provided about
graduate
Add an article
the graduate
show examples
 count in Canada between 1992 to 2007. In
this
data
Add a comma
,data
show examples
 there is
obvious
Add an article
an obvious
the obvious
show examples
 increase in university
graduate
 numbers from 1992 to 2006.the gender bias is Cleary noticed in the graph where the female
graduate
 counts exceed the male
graduate
 counts from earlier years still 2006. The bias is more significant because there is almost
30,000
Correct article usage
a 30,000
show examples
 count difference. The reason for the female
graduate
 counts domination over males can be many,
such
 as male’s responsibility towards their family, maturity level, self-confidence and so on.
For example
, for a
male
Add a comma
,male
show examples
 the responsibility of taking care of the family comes in
very
Correct article usage
the very
show examples
 early stages of their life , which may push them to skip their
education
 and work for the welfare of their family especially when they are from
poor
Add an article
a poor
show examples
 background. There are studies showing that females have more confidence and interest in formal theoretical
education
 than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
this
also
 could be one of the reasons for the bias. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 the data provided shows
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 difference in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 getting
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 pretty well than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
this
 can be solved by making the classes more practical and
also
 by providing full scholarships for financially unstable persons.
Submitted by surejajasmin10 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, graduate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • general trend
  • fluctuations
  • peaks
  • dips
  • significant differences
  • increase/decrease
  • comparison
  • data
  • period
  • economic conditions
  • policy changes
  • cultural shifts
  • implications
  • workforce
  • economy
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