IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a higher salary than those who have not. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, the debate about how much payment should be given to the employee is becoming
increasingly an
Correct word order
an increasingly
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 argumentative issue. Some
people
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 think
,
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apply
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 that
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 salary should be given to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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,
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apply
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 who graduated from university rather than, who
do
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did
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 not.
This
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 essay will discuss why
Highly
Fix capitalization
highly
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 educated
workers
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 spend a lot of
money
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in
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on
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Education
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.
Moreover
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, occupy
high
Replace the word
highly
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skilful
Correct word choice
skilled
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 and stressful jobs and explain why
for
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, for
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 these
reasons
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reasons,
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 these professionals have the right to get more
money
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 than
others
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, which is my opinion.
Workers
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,
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apply
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 who have completed their
Education
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,
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apply
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 spend plenty of
money
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 during their studies. They need to pay for the
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 and transportation.
As well as
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,
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apply
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 buy materials and take private courses. In fact, the
last
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 Harvard
university
Fix capitalization
University
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 research has concluded
,
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apply
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 that
majority
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the majority
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 of
people
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 put about 80% of their savings in
Education
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. For these reasons, it is
a justice
Rephrase
just
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 to give these
people
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 more
money
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 than
others
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. They
also
Linking Words
 occupy
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
skilful
Correct word choice
skilled
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 and stressful jobs. These professionals deal with human souls, so if
the
Use the right word
they
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 do not get enough cash, they may make
peoples
Check wording
people's
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 lives vulnerable to danger.
Furthermore
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, they
Verb problem
do have
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have not
Correct word order
not have
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 to work
over time
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overtime
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 to get more
money
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, because their
workers
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 need a lot of concentration.
For instance
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, doctors and scientists exert great efforts to protect and cure patients from epidemics and diseases.
Moreover
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, engineers build infrastructure, which is a critical job.
Therefore
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, these professionals are in a stressful and
skilful
Correct word choice
skilled
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 field In conclusion, whether or not giving
money
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 to the employee is a doubtful issue.
Although
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 some
people
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 believe that highly educated
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 have to get more
money
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,
others
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 think that everyone should
take
Verb problem
get
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 the same amount.
People
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 who
finished
Verb problem
have finished
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 their universal studies have spent most of their
money
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 during their
Education
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.
In addition
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to
Change preposition
apply
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, their jobs
pressurize
Verb problem
pressure
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 them. For these reasons, it is fair to give highly educated
workers
Use synonyms
 more
money
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 than
others
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, which is my opinion.

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task-aim
Use a clear view in one place and keep it. Start with your main idea in the first paragraph and keep talking about it.
evidence
Give one strong example or fact to support each idea. Avoid wrong facts. Use real data or simple proof.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'but', 'so', 'therefore' to help flow.
stance
You state a clear opinion.
content
Some points show you know why work can be hard and busy.
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