IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that having a set retirement age (say 65) for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair.They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree ? What type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer.

#people #retirement #age #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #benefit
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In the
view point
a mental position from which things are viewed
viewpoint
 of certain people
,
Accept space
,
there should be no preset
age
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 for
retirement
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.They consider it
being
Suggestion
to be
 partial to have the
age
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limit
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 irrespective of the occupation.They put forth the idea that some workers can even retire early and continue to receive a pension.In my perspective, I personally do not support having an
age
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limit
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 for
retirement
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.Not everybody will be able to
work
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 until the
limit
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 say 65, given the lifestyle and health conditions of
this
Linking Words
 modern era.It would be a hard pill for them as well as their family to
work
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 until that
age
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 to receive a pension
tahy
people in general
they
 may be of some support or help
to
Suggestion
with
 their financial situation.Being aware of the deteriorating health and life span these days it doesn't really make sense to set an
age
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limit
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 for
retirement
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. People should be given the freedom to retire whenever they want to.Early
retirement
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 would mostly be suited to workers who are more into physical
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
,
Accept space
,
those that
work
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 in manufacturing plants
,
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,
work
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 with machineries, at construction sites or any other form of
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
 that can be strenuous as compared to those who
work
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 in
office
Suggestion
an office
-based environments or deal with administration.As humans
age
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,
Accept space
,
 it may affect their productivity and strength irrespective of any
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work but
Accept comma addition
work, but
 mechanical
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
 will show a drastic difference in the
work
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 pace and efficiency. I believe these factory workers should be entitled to retire early.
Although
Linking Words
 it may be a fact that physical activity may boost the core strength of the body and it may be ironical to say they need to retire early, the truth is that
this
Linking Words
 technological
age
Use synonyms
 does pose a serious threat to health. The life span has reduced to a
larger
Suggestion
large
 extent. For office-based workers there is not much physical exhaustion
competitively
Suggestion
competitive
competition
. In recapitulation pension shouldn't be due a certain
retirement
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age
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,
Accept space
,
instead
Linking Words
 based on the nature of
work
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 and experience.
This
Linking Words
 may ensure there is no misuse of funds provided.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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