IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#organizations #employees #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is essential to participate and witness social events
such
Linking Words
 as sports or cultural based meets in today's busy lifestyle. Spending money on
such
Linking Words
 events entirely depends on the interest of a person. In my opinion, it is good to spend on
such
Linking Words
 events because it keeps the mind fresh but it has its own drawbacks too. On one hand, it aids the local players and motivates them. I believe buying tickets
not only supports
Suggestion
aren't only supporting
 the
players but
Accept comma addition
players, but
also
Linking Words
 the local business around like cafe, shops, taxi drivers etc.
For example
Linking Words
: when
cricket world cup
Suggestion
the cricket world cup
 happened in India, people from all over the world came to watch the match which helped a lot of businesses like taxis, hotels.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it helps the economy if we look at the bigger picture.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a fan will prefer going to the stadium and watch the sport which gives them an extraordinary live experience which internet will not give.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many illegal activities happening
such
Linking Words
 as match fixing and betting which can have ill effects. The employment opportunities are
also
Linking Words
 short term as once the event is
over those
Accept comma addition
over, those
 employees are not required anymore. To summarize, I would say everything has a
drawback but
Accept comma addition
drawback, but
 at
times
Suggestion
time
 advantages outweigh disadvantages.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if more people spend money on sports events
Linking Words
then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 it will definitely help the local businessmen and
economy
Suggestion
the economy
 if they are large scale events.
Although
Linking Words
, there are disadvantages of betting, but one needs to realize the consequences and know where to draw the line. Incorrect sentence
formation eg
Accept comma addition
formation, eg
:
Although
Linking Words
 there are advantages of something, but one needs to realize where to draw the line....
Submitted by shlokpareek4399 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: