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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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These
pie
Use synonyms
 charts give information on the average percentages of three kinds of nutrients, namely
Sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and
Added
Fix capitalization
added
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 which can be harmful
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
too
Replace the word
to
show examples
 consumption of ordinary food in the USA. In the first
Use synonyms
pie
Add a comma
,pie
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
dinner
Use synonyms
 contains 43% of
sodium
Use synonyms
. The
second
Linking Words
 level of
sodium
Use synonyms
 consumption belongs to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lunch and it is 2 9%.
Snacks
Use synonyms
 and
breakfast
Use synonyms
 account for 14% of
average
Add an article
the average
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
. In the
second
Linking Words
chart
Use synonyms
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 pattern is shown, 37% of saturated fat is consumed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
 followed by lunch with 21%. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
seen
Change the verb form
be seen
see
show examples
, there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
in the percentages of saturated fat in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
.
By comparison
Linking Words
 with the first
chart
Use synonyms
snacks
Use synonyms
 and
breakfast
Use synonyms
 contribute to
consumption
Add an article
the consumption
show examples
 of 21% and 16% respectively. The
last
Linking Words
chart
Use synonyms
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
Correct article usage
the difference
show examples
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 trend.
Snacks
Use synonyms
 include 42% of added
sugar
Use synonyms
. The average
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
dinner
Use synonyms
 is 23%. Through eating lunch and
breakfast
Use synonyms
 19% and 16 % added
sugar
Use synonyms
 are consumed.  All in all,
comparison
Correct article usage
a comparison
show examples
 among these
pie
Use synonyms
 charts which fall into four categories
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that the largest proportion of
sodium
Use synonyms
 is consumed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
similarly
Change the word
similar
show examples
 trend for saturated fat.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 there is a significant difference in the
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 which is related to added
sugar
Use synonyms
. The largest proportion is allocated
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
snacks
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, typical meals which are consumed in the USA contain at least 14% of nutrients.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "second".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, sodium, sugar, chart, dinner, snacks, breakfast with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • typical meals
  • percentages
  • saturated fats
  • fibers
  • sugars
  • impact
  • average
  • consumption
  • trends
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • implications
  • balanced diet
  • recommendations
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