IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centres. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #companies #industry #move #areas #centres #advantage
A group of
people
 quite said that if the multiple
companies
 will
been
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 transferred in rural
areas
 which would be good for
companies
 and
also
 for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
Besides
, a large number of
companies
 are increasing day by day in the town sites.
Whereas
, many
people
 notion that the
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 have to face
economically loses
Replace the word
economic losses
show examples
 if they move on to regional
areas
instead
 of urban centres. I concede that it will
also
drawbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
show examples
 if the bigger organisation build
their root
Fix the agreement mistake
its roots
show examples
 in the rural place. First and foremost, there are several arguments in favour of large industry set up
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
regional
Correct article usage
the regional
show examples
side
.
Firstly
, the
dense
Replace the word
density
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 will be less when the big
companies
moved
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 on to the
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
side
.
Secondly
, a number of
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's
show examples
 garbage will be diminished which pollutes
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
 air. Eventually, to set up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large industries in the
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
side
 , for
this local
Change the determiner
this local person
these local people
show examples
people
 will
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 plethora
job
Change preposition
of job
show examples
 opportunities.
Furthermore
 ,
companies
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
get more space to build their progress . Admittedly, there are some disadvantages if
companies
 move on into the original
areas
.
Initially
,
companies
 will not get the producing raw materials at the proper time. Which would
affected
Change the verb form
be affected
affect
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
produce
Replace the word
production
show examples
 system.
Therefore
, the
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
side
 would be naturally affected by throwing industrial waste. Even,
communication
Add an article
the communication
show examples
 system of
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
side
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not good.
For instance
, road
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
,
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
, technology, fire
emergency
Fix the agreement mistake
emergencies
show examples
 and so on are not well in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
. In fact, rural
areas
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
show examples
 are too small.
For
Change preposition
Of
show examples
this
, big track and
van
Fix the agreement mistake
vans
show examples
 could not ride on the road, which will
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 impact on the
companies
 economically. To wrap up, I aptly believe that
companies
 to move on the
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
side
areas
 can
be flourish
Change the verb form
flourish
show examples
economically progress without threatening the environment.
As well as
 a large number of
people
 will
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 the job facilities.
Submitted by szohaibm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: