IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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The right
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is fundamental to human beings and
age
Use synonyms
 shouldn’t influence a job application. It is true that
age
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is sometimes an important
criteria
Change the noun form
criterion
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 for selecting a candidate in some companies,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 I argue that it is illegal and has a negative impact on modern society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, youth/maturity is not an indicator that someone’s ability or potential
decrease
Fix the agreement mistake
decreases
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, treating a candidate less favourable based on their
age
Use synonyms
 is unfair. As an illustration, let’s take a particular elderly worker, it may be tough that has less manual strength and concentration than a youngster, but how can someone evaluate his skills without giving
a
Correct pronoun usage
him a
show examples
chance to try?
At the end
Linking Words
 of the day when a person applies for a
newposition
Correct your spelling
new position
 knows his limits and abilities.
On the other hand
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, when a young inexperienced person applies for the first time, is driven by ambition and motivation and has all the resources to succeed in that career.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if a society discriminates
the
Change preposition
against the
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 workforce based on their
age
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 it will stain the public reputation. Suggesting that
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 is mostly dependent on social services. Working in a good quality activity keeps us active and financially secure. A key issue is that people with health conditions don’t get the support they need at
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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 – often simple things like flexibility at work. A snap solution could be to include
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher participation of young people among the old ones.
This
Linking Words
 will enhance competition,
lead
Correct word choice
and lead
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 to a better match
among
Change preposition
between
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 workers and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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talent
fructified
Verb problem
apply
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the government and work
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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 ought to be alert,
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
strong legislation against
age
Use synonyms
 discrimination and give employers more choices.

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coherence and cohesion
The essay has potential, but it lacks clear organization and fails to fully address the task prompt. The introduction is weak and the conclusion is often repeated, affecting the logical structure of the essay. Additionally, there are instances of irrelevant information that do not fully support the main points.
task achievement
The essay provides some relevant ideas but fails to fully address the task. It discusses both positive and negative aspects of age discrimination, but fails to fully develop the ideas or provide strong examples to support them. The essay should focus on fully responding to the task prompt and provide more clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant, specific examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • inclusive workplace
  • workplace diversity
  • workforce experience
  • equality in hiring
  • age-related stereotypes
  • demographic changes
  • economic growth
  • social security systems
  • consumer spending
  • non-discriminatory policies
  • bias
  • fair practices
  • retirement age
  • intergenerational collaboration
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