IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart provides the information about Australian male and female unique
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 who perform exercise on a daily basis in 2010.
Overall
, it has been noted that the
percentage
 of Men' s
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased,
also
 the women's
percentage
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a slight decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical activity. The
age
group
 from 15 to 24 and 65 and above
maintains
Change the verb form
maintain
show examples
 the same
percentage
 of women
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 47.7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 47.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively.
While
 the woman with 25 to 34
years
 of
age
 has 48.9%.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the steady increment in the exercise
rate
 can be noted as 52.5
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
age
group
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 35 to 44
years
 of
age
. The female population of 45 to 54
years
 of
age
 and from 55 to 64
years
 of
age
 has almost the same
rate
 of physical work with 53.3% and 53%.
Total
Correct article usage
A total
show examples
 of 52.8% of
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 was shown by the male
group
 whose
age
 was
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 15 to 24.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the
percentage
 had come down to the point with
5
Correct article usage
a 5
show examples
%
declination
Replace the word
decline
show examples
rate
 for 65
years
 above people. There is a fluctuation of
percentage
 between the
age
group
 with 42.2 %, 39.5% and 43.1% for the
age
 interval from 25 to 34,35 to 44
years
 and from 45 to 54
years
 of
age
. There is a gradual increase of 2% for the
age
group
 of 55 to 64.
Submitted by muzaferhussain092 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, percentage, years, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
What to do next:
Look at other essays: