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Writing Samples
Band 4

a lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism industry.

#places #world #tourism #source #income #industry
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Nowadays,
Toursim
Correct your spelling
tourism
 as a modern method for earning
money
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been employed by governments in most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries.
Although
Linking Words
 there are a number of drawbacks
in
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to
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this
Linking Words
 trend, the benefits accruing to places that attract tourists are by no means negligible. On the plus side, the advantages of travelling
of
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with
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people
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 to attractive places are manifold.
To begin
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 with, By travelling,
tourism
Correct word choice
and tourism
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 to specific
spots
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, most of the individuals in the world know more about them.
To
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apply
show examples
Simply put, by increasing the number of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 visiting
cities
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, they are more likely to spend
money
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for
Change preposition
on
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 daily routine activities
such
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 as accommodation, eating and entertaining, which would
be result
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result
show examples
to
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in
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
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 chance for local
people
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. Take the tourist necessities as an example; by
enchaining
Verb problem
increasing
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 the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourists, job opportunities for local
people
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 would be increased.
Thus
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, the more income at the
tourism
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tourist
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spots
Use synonyms
, the more facilities to improve quality of the life for local
people
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.
However
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, the downside cannot be ignored.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
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argument
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arguments
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 are concerned with crowded
cities
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.
that is
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 to say
,
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apply
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 because
at
Add the comma(s)
, at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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most of the breathtaking places
for visiting
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to visit
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, living
people
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 have to participate
the
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in the
show examples
 facilities of
cities
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 with
new comers
Correct your spelling
newcomers
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 for several days. Considering that visitors are coming to spend their pastime
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they need more fun
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can bother
for
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apply
show examples
local
people
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. A good illustration
for
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of
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this
Linking Words
 is soaring traffic, which can incredibly annoy
people
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 who are neighbourhood with visitors.
Hence
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, government authorities would not have any profit from
income
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the income
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 of attraction
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourism, but they should invest
the
Correct article usage
a
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 huge amount of
money
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for
Change preposition
in
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 increasing
Correct article usage
the equipments
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equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 of
cities
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, earning
money
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 from
attraction
Add an article
the attraction
show examples
 of visitors to tourist
spots
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 can be rewarding and problematic.
While
Linking Words
 they might help to enhance job opportunities,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can interrupt the routine life of local
people
Use synonyms
 in these
spots
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by f_shahbazi on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task response
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Your opinion

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