IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
#proportion #income #items #uk
The table illustrates how adults and
children
 use their money with a particular distribution of food, electronic equipment, music and videos in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 during 1998.
Overall
, the main expenditure of
children
, regarding its gender is music,
however
, adults, men and women primarily spent their income on
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
. In terms of electronic equipment and videos, most of their customers were
children
, specifically
boys
. The largest portion of
Bristish
Correct your spelling
British
consumable
Fix the agreement mistake
consumables
show examples
 is food which women and adults gathered the highest allocation at approximately 39% and 25% respectively. Alternatively, the total percentage of videos
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 only half of the population, with a peak of 18% for
boys
 followed by 17%
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 girls. Music
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 particular, has the largest proportion
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40% in girls, 39% in
children
 and 38% in
boys
.
Furthermore
, the spent money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 electronic equipment
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
primarily
consist
Wrong verb form
consisted
show examples
 of
children
 accounting for 23%, 18% for
boys
 and
lastly
 10% for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men.
Submitted by dianajane.gonzaga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words children, boys with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: