IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
#proportion #income #items #uk
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The table illustrates how adults and
children
Use synonyms
 use their money with a particular distribution of food, electronic equipment, music and videos in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 during 1998.
Overall
Linking Words
, the main expenditure of
children
Use synonyms
, regarding its gender is music,
however
Linking Words
, adults, men and women primarily spent their income on
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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. In terms of electronic equipment and videos, most of their customers were
children
Use synonyms
, specifically
boys
Use synonyms
. The largest portion of
Bristish
Correct your spelling
British
consumable
Fix the agreement mistake
consumables
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 is food which women and adults gathered the highest allocation at approximately 39% and 25% respectively. Alternatively, the total percentage of videos
are
Change the verb form
is
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 only half of the population, with a peak of 18% for
boys
Use synonyms
 followed by 17%
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 girls. Music
Linking Words
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 particular, has the largest proportion
to
Change preposition
apply
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40% in girls, 39% in
children
Use synonyms
 and 38% in
boys
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the spent money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 electronic equipment
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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primarily
consist
Wrong verb form
consisted
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 accounting for 23%, 18% for
boys
Use synonyms
 and
lastly
Linking Words
 10% for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men.
Submitted by dianajane.gonzaga on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, boys with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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