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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The bar chart below illustrates information about the profit of a state's export
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
petroleum
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
, engineered
goods
Use synonyms
, gems and jewellery, agricultural
products
Use synonyms
 and
textiles
Use synonyms
 between the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2015 and 2016. The table,
graph
Correct word choice
and graph
show examples
 provides information about the development of each sector, compared with the
year
Use synonyms
 2015 and 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
petroleum
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 showed the highest percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
export earnings,
while
Linking Words
textiles
Use synonyms
 experienced the lowest percentage.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
textiles
Use synonyms
 showed a huge upward trend in the changes in values.
To begin
Linking Words
,
petroleum
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 experienced a number above 60 billion in both years. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
Linking Words
 place was engineered
goods
Use synonyms
, with merely 57% and went up to over 60% in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
. Gems and jewellery were 42% in 2015 and showed a downward trend to 40% in 2016. Agricultural
products
Use synonyms
 were relatively the same amount during the period, with slightly above 30%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
textiles
Use synonyms
 showed a number of merely 31% in 2006. The largest upward trend in values was in
textiles
Use synonyms
, with 15.24%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, engineered
goods
Use synonyms
 and
petroleum
Use synonyms
goods
Use synonyms
 were relatively lower, with an increase of 8.5% and 3%.
Finally
Linking Words
, gems and jewellery experienced a decrease of 5.18% in the final
year
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, furthermore".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words petroleum, products, goods, textiles, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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