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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #show #men #women #employment #australia #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graphs below illustrate the proportion of choice in full and part-time
jobs
Use synonyms
, which is based on the age
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 males and females
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in Australian
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Australian
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
, from 1973 to 1993. It can be clearly seen that
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 large amount of men
tends
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tend
show examples
 to do full-time
jobs
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. The rate hits the highest point, at 100%
men
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of men
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at
Change preposition
between
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 the age of 25 to 55 years old. On the
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 side, there has no permanent,
always
Correct pronoun usage
which always
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 fluctuates substantially. Both full and part-time
jobs
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 are suitable for
mostly
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most
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women
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. More specifically,
to
Change preposition
of
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 men over 20 and under 60, more
80
Change preposition
than 80
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% of them had full-time
jobs
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 in 1993, which was about 10% less than in 1973.
Thus
Linking Words
, less
5
Change preposition
than 5
show examples
% of them were in part-time employment
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the period, and the percentage went up insignificantly. Regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
, the figures were shown to have rapid changes. Compared to 1973, in 1993 the number reached the peak
approximately
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of approximately
show examples
 55%
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 full-time employment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 who are 35 to 29, showed the greatest proportion of part-time work was 15% more than in 1973.
Overall
Linking Words
, the major conclusion drawn from the graph is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people are likely not to work after age 65 onwards.
Submitted by thuynguyen17022001 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words jobs, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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