Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, television programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem?

#parents #amount #violence #video #games #television #programs #leisure #activities #be #children

there

Suggestion

There

is no scepticism the violence related with tv programs

Accept space

video games and other entertainment activities can affect our children

adversly

in an adverse manner

adversely

Firstly

the

Suggestion

The

detail shows on news channels full of violence

Accept space

they

Suggestion

They

show even minute detail of crime how it has

hapened

come to pass

happened

Suggestion

a result

Accept space

create

Suggestion

creates

a fear in

children

Suggestion

children's

minds and sometimes become a cause of

life time phobia

Suggestion

the life time phobia

secondly

Suggestion

Secondly

, by playing

vidoe

the visible part of a television transmission

video

games they cannot understand

difference

Suggestion

the difference

between real and virtual world. To elaborate, they get so many chances of

life

games but

Accept comma addition

games, but

not possible in a real world.

for

Suggestion

For

instance, crossing red

life

and accident with

othr

any of various alternatives; some other

another

other

car are normal in

games hoewever

Accept comma addition

games, however

games however

, it can be

life

talking in reality on roads..

furthermore

in addition

Furthermore

Accept space

these kind of acts can lead to issues related

with

Suggestion

aggressive behaviour,.

for

Suggestion

For

example watching

Accept comma addition

example, watching

wwe

plural of "I"

fights can instill sentiments of revenge and win at any cost.

this

Suggestion

This

type development can be responsible for juvenile delinquency.

Although

finding a solution of

this

problem is an

ardous

characterized by effort to the point of exhaustion; especially physical effort

arduous

task.

since

Suggestion

Since

main reason

Suggestion

the main reason

this

problem if how much time they spend on tv.

parents

Suggestion

Parents

should

intervane

get involved, so as to alter or hinder an action, or through force or threat of force

intervene

to reduce screen timing of

childrenand

Suggestion

children and

exhort them to spend more time of

constuctive

constructing or tending to construct or improve or promote development

constructive

developments

Accept space

includind

have as a part, be made up out of

including

, reading, outdoor sport and other physical activity. if parents comperhend the negative aspect of

this

occurance, will automaticaaly undersatable by children , too

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

222 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, television programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem?

Fully explain your ideas

A lot of money is spent on repairing old building. Instead of repairing old building that money should be spent on knocking down old building and building new ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You received a letter from your friend informing you that his elderly parents are coming to visit in your area and he is asking for your on - which places they should visit - where should they live -invite them to do something with you

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shoppings centres or malls to do their shoping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Many people join online learning programs and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. Do you agree or disagree? Use good reasons and examples

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?