In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?
It is argued that today’s young generation
spend
less Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
time
with their families and prefer
to enjoy Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
with
friends. Correct pronoun usage
themselves with
This
is because most of the time
parents
are busy with their work and have no time
for the family. I strongly recommend that parents
should not enforce
their Verb problem
force
kids
to stay indoors.
Children
are more likely to go out with their friends rather than going with a family member because parents
get
very little Verb problem
have
time
to spend with their offspring. In order to fulfil the basic necessity
of Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
kids
, such
as education and clothing, most parents
certainly work overtime. As a result
, they do not get enough time
after work and completing house duties, so that they can pay more attention to their kids
. For instance
, a report published by BBC News revealed that 65% of parents
, who have two jobs, nearly two hours at home
.
Forcing children
to stay home
is not a solution to this
problem because enforcing can result in rude behaviour among youngsters. However
, parents
can arrange some activities, such
as vacation arrangements or a family get together
, so that Add a hyphen
get-together
kids
would be able to get more time
to enjoy with family. For example
, if there is a little fun activity, such
as a pool party, at home
, children
more
likely to get attracted to stay Add a missing verb
are more
home
. This
way parents
would be able to maintain their relationship.
In conclusion, parents
are very busy these days, so children
most
likely to stay out with friends. Add a missing verb
are most
However
, parents
should not force their kids
to stay home
, and men and women need to spare some extra time
that they can give to their love
ones.Replace the word
loved
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task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the change in young adults' social behavior. However, the explanation lacks depth and fails to thoroughly examine the impact of parents' busy schedules on children's preference for spending time with friends rather than family.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, but the body paragraphs lack clear organization and coherence. The points are not well connected, leading to a disjointed flow of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph introduces a clear topic, uses appropriate transitions, and maintains a logical sequence of ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
