The charts below show proportion of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition English, in 2000 and 2010.
The given pie charts provide information about
proportion
of Add an article
the proportion
students
at a university in England that could speak in other
Change the wording
another language
other languages
language
beside
English in Replace the word
besides
two
difference
years.
In general, we can see that most of Replace the word
different
students
were able to speak in Spanish at that university in 2000 and 2010.Add an article
the students
In addition
, we can also
view that less
Change the quantifier
fewer
students
could speak in
Change preposition
apply
two
other languages.
Beginning with the German language
, we can observe that this
language
had increased 5
% Change preposition
by 5
until
2000 to 2010 at university. Change preposition
from
Moreover
, Students
were able to progress their Spanish language
so proportion
of them had risen from 30% to 35% Add an article
the proportion
a proportion
amongst
Change preposition
over
two
years. It is also
worth noting that although
15 proportion
of students
could speak in
French in 2000 Change preposition
apply
however
in 2010 they had already gone down to 0%.
Moving on to the no other language
, we can also
witness that proportion
of students
who were not able to speak in other
Change the wording
another language
other languages
language
beside
English Replace the word
besides
have
reduced from 20% to 10% between 2000 and 2010.Unnecessary verb
apply
Next
, when it comes to the
Remove the article
apply
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
language
we can also
notice that proportion
of Correct article usage
the proportion
students
who could speak in another language
have
increased Correct subject-verb agreement
has
till
15% to 20% from 2000 to 2010.Change preposition
from
Finally
, we can mention that proportion
of speaking two
other language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
students
had also
risen from 10% to 15% among
2000 and 2010.Change preposition
between
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, students, language, two with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼