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Writing Samples
Band 4

The given below pie chart shows the cultural and leisure Activities amongst boys’ and girls’. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.write at least 150 words.

The given below pie chart shows the cultural and leisure Activities amongst boys’ and girls’. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.write at least 150 words.
#leisure #activities #boys’ #girls’ #summarise #information #features
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The two pie charts reveal the results of a survey of
boys
Use synonyms
' and
girls
Use synonyms
' non-academic
activities
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the college.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
boys
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 spending
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer games, but
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to other
activities
Use synonyms
 is least
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
percentage,
while
Linking Words
, the
girls
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 spent most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 relaxing
activities
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dancing and reading
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
activities
Use synonyms
. To start with,
boys
Use synonyms
' are spending up to 34% of
computer
Correct pronoun usage
their computer
show examples
 games,
while
Linking Words
, compared to the
girls
Use synonyms
' half free time spend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
16% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other leisure
activities
Use synonyms
.
Boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 are equally spending
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
time
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
listening to music.
Girls
Use synonyms
 are spending most of the relaxing
activities
Use synonyms
, reading 21%. The reading activity
boys
Use synonyms
less
Add a missing verb
have less
show examples
 action to spend other than the
girls
Use synonyms
. The
boys
Use synonyms
 are managing higher
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 was sports, they spend 13%
football
Change preposition
on football
show examples
, 20%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 basketball, and 7%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 baseball, but,
girls
Use synonyms
 are
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 free
activities
Use synonyms
, sports as they spend 15%
netball
Change preposition
on netball
show examples
, 27%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 dancing and 11% at the gym.
Submitted by nazninbachcha on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, activities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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