The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.
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The pie graphs illustrate the result of a survey of
children
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children's
show examples
activities
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. The first graph illustrates the cultural and leisure
activities
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that
boys
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participate in,
whereas
Linking Words
the
second
Linking Words
graph illustrates the
activities
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in which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girls
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participate. The two graphs have an enormous difference between the
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girls
Change noun form
girl's
girls'
show examples
and boy's
activities
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, one massive difference is in reading,
girls
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tend to read more often than
boys
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also
Linking Words
girls
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neither
play
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plays
show examples
basketball nor soccer
while
Linking Words
it occupies 43% of
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boys
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boys'
boy's
show examples
activities
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,
also
Linking Words
boys
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do not dance nor play netball
while
Linking Words
42% of
girls
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activities
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consist them.
although
Linking Words
there are enormous differences between the
activities
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between
boys
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and
girls
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, there is one match in
activities
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, music consists
10
Change preposition
of 10
show examples
% of boy's and girl's
activities
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, it's the only match between the
activities
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, boys, girls with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • cultural activities
  • leisure activities
  • participate
  • percentage
  • gender difference
  • similar participation rates
  • traditional gender roles
  • trends
  • impact
  • parental influence
  • extracurricular activities
  • accessible
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